Funny Tweets

Keep Calm and Have Fun.

[Funny Tweets @ItsFunTimes]

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

[Funny Tweets @ItsFunTimes]

Humans transfer data between brains by opening one's mouth and vibrating the air in the direction of the other human.

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

You've heard of elf on a shelf, but have you heard of a sloth on a goth?

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

His mom cuts his hair.

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

Argentina's coach forgets about gravity.

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

The Avengers: Endgame trailer had 62 million views in 3 days. It would have been 124 million views, but..

[Funny Tweets @ItsFunTimes]

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother's remains around the park. It was her dying wish. The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

One taught me love,
One taught me patience,
One taught me pain,
and one taught me that Marvel won't give Tony Stark a break. #AvengersEndgame

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

*girlfriend has huge meltdown about something*

My brain:

Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it

Me: Calm down

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

"Where are you from?"

"California"

"Where in California?"

"Los Angeles"

"What's that near?"

"Malibu, Long Beach.."

"Where?"

"Hollywood. I'm from Hollywood. I live on top of the Hollywood sign. I'm best friends with the Jenner sisters and eat avocado toast daily." https://t.co/AsP23naM8y

[Temika Dothard @Temika_Dothard]

Download full demo of this early access 3rd person #openworld/action-adventure #pixelgame. Leave honest feedback. https://t.co/yzIuzfTnb2

[Omar Ali @TheMuslimPost]

Abdul Sattar Edhi: #Google honours 'Angel of Mercy' #Pakistan deserves more than #NobelPrizeforEdhi https://t.co/JkKGdU7z7I

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

Adele didn't want to perform at the #GRAMMYs but they bugged the crap out of her till she said yes. They must've called a thousand times.

[LouisColumbus @LouisColumbus]

2017: The Year Integration Enables the Internet Of Things and Industrial Analytics https://t.co/yqZcDoznVH #IoT #Analytics

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

2016 knew that this Christmas would be his Last Christmas. RIP George Michael.

[LouisColumbus @LouisColumbus]

McKinsey's 2016 Analytics Study Defines The Future Machine Learning https://t.co/13ulhNbbR9 #machinelearning #analytics

[LouisColumbus @LouisColumbus]

10 Strategies For Improving Quality Management With SAP And Salesforce Integration https://t.co/OAcuNQhvON #SAP #QualityMgmt #EnSW

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

It is destiny.

[Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe]

When it's always been your destiny to work as a checkout employee.