Eli Azizollahoff

Professionally making life more fun 🌠
Deep love for books, bad puns, writing, and overanalyzing TV ✡️♓

Header art by Rocky Pincus, insta: @rpincus_art

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

unreliable narrators hit different when it's your BRAIN and the book is your REAL LIFE and that's on having anxiety

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

I spend so much time on the 1 train I'm basically turning into it!

Happy Purim everyone!
@MTA
@NYCTSubway @nycgov

(Nails by my friend Ro!)

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

Shout-out to New York City and the @MTA for quite literally valuing their bottom line over human lives 👏

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

@WeegeeWuvver The more I think about the Cars lore the less sense it makes. If there's cars Hitler are there cars Jews? Are there cars races and ethnicity? I mean clearly there are car races but are there RACES? what would car racism be based on? Would it be their paint color or make/model?

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

why does god give His highest energy battles (sitting at my desk) to His sleepiest soldiers (me)

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

Just saw this going up the steps at the kings highway subway stop. Antisemitism is real and rampant.

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

@shoshimolly @yourewrongabout @Remember_Sarah You say that likes it's a bad thing

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

I spent over 75 hours with @yourewrongabout in the last year. I think that qualifies @Remember_Sarah to be a bridesmaid at my nonexistent wedding.

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

@TJThyne is really the most talented actor in a show full of talented actors

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

So my 3y nephew thinks I'm cute. My dad was telling him he's cute and his response was "Eliana's cute!" To see if he really meant it I asked if his other aunt is cute to which he paused for a long moment and went "Eliana's cute!"

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

Halloweekend: Princess Diaries but make it ✨NYC✨

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

Joe Alwyn is really living the y/n dream bc every song Taylor writes about him is basically like "you're not like other girls. You don't care about my fame" which is basically harry styles in every Wattpad fanfic #MidnightsTaylorSwift

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

My nephew won ketchup. I won mustard.

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

In case you thought I was kidding

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

In case you thought I was kidding

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

I'm at a kids event sponsored by the local grocery and there's a line of children waiting to spin a wheel to see if they win free beans, mustard, or frozen puff pastry dough.

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

I'm at a kids event sponsored by the local grocery and there's a line of children waiting to spin a wheel to see if they win free beans, mustard, or frozen puff pastry dough.

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

I just got off an hour and a half long phone call w the IRS in which the lady there was just as confused as me and in the end I need to download a document and fax it in

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

Coining the term #nedgate and also everyone listen to this podcast bc I am really impressed w how the remaining #tryguys have been handling this

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

And on today's game of
WHAT 💩 SMELL 🟡 IS 🗑️ ON 🦨 THE 🍃 SUBWAY ⁉️

It's pee, it literally just smells so much like pee

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

Real question: do you think fame fundamentally changes the way people relate to the world around them so they end up thinking bad things are ok -or- do you think people capable of such bad things will do them regardless? Would Ned have cheated on Ariel if he hadn't become famous?

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

I have AWFUL news:
I figured out my type and it's prince Eric meets English TA who smokes too many cigarettes and is a little pretentious

[Eli Azizollahoff @ItsNotEllie]

My brand of comedy is commenting "live fast Die young Bad girls do it well" on the most mundane activities