A coworker was leaving for a new job. Six of us on the team.
In the group chat, someone said: “Let’s get Sarah a nice send-off gift. $50 each should cover a spa package + dinner.”
I replied right away: “I’m tight this month. I can do $20 cash toward flowers or a card. Count me out of the spa thing.”
The team lead said: “Don’t worry about it. We’ll just front it and settle up after. It’s easier.”
I didn’t push it. Didn’t want to be “that person” before her last day.
Day of the party, I see the gift. $300 spa day + $150 dinner gift card + $50 bouquet.
I pulled the team lead aside: “Hey, I’m only in for $20 like I said.”
She frowned: “We already split it 6 ways. It’s $83 each. Just Venmo me.”
I said: “I didn’t agree to $83. I agreed to $20. Here’s cash for the flowers.”
She got loud: “You’re making this weird. Sarah’s right there. Can you not ruin this?”
I didn’t argue.
I walked to Sarah, handed her the $20 and a card I bought myself, said “Congrats on the new job,” and went back to my desk.
Later, my Slack was blowing up. Apparently the other five had to cover $60 each instead of $50, and now I’m “not a team player.”
One guy said I should’ve just paid to “avoid the drama.”
Maybe.
But I don’t think “team player” means letting people spend your money without asking.
I offered what I could afford. I didn’t order the spa day.
You don’t get to volunteer my wallet and then call me cheap when I say no.
Fun fact: The very first online purchase in history was cannabis. In the early 1970s, Stanford and MIT students used ARPANET the internet's grandpa to arrange a weed deal. Even then, THC was quietly connecting minds…
Autistic people burn out because we take “do your best” too literally and turn it into a rule of 100% output, all the time, no exceptions, no matter the cost.