Jake's Analogies

@JakeCrain_'s takes are hotter than a sumo wrestler eating chili peppers next to an active volcano

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"Guys, I don't want to jinx myself, but have you seen Kennesaw State? That's like watching a blind person fingerpaint. You don't know what it ends up, and neither do they."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"Hey, we got our guy, we're gonna' keep this ship cruising. Then you -- OH MY GOD!! - lose to Vanderbilt. You let the fat kid with asthma beat you in the decathlon, that's what happened. All respect to Vanderbilt."

[Jake “JBOY” Crain @JakeCrain_]

College football is slowly turning into a Pretty Little Liars episode

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"Here's where I'm at on BYU - I want to believe! I'm so close to believing in BYU. If you can show me that you're not gonna turn it over, I'm gonna hop on the train. I just need to see it a little bit longer, going down the tracks."

[Shooter McGavin @ShooterMcGavin]

A food and beverage drive thru on the golf course is next level

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"My worst is the Fyre Festival of football - the Dallas Cowboys. Way too expensive, overhyped. You show up and it's a tent and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the crusts cut off. That's what they are."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"This is one of the best teams that Alabama's gonna face on defense. We're just so used to the Lamborghini. Look, a nice Corvette still runs pretty good, too, and will get a few chicks to hop in the back seat as well."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"But it's 2024. Elon Musk is landing rockets backwards on planks in the Indian Ocean. Guys wanna' go where the NIL money is, and the good players are."

Happy Flaming Dragon Friday, everyone!

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"People say, 'Oh, Location - it's hard to get guys to go to Lincoln.' Well, guess what, if this was 1820 and we were having to take carriages and horses, then maybe you have a point...

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

I was able to find the App State game on YouTube. I wish I hadn't.

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"If college football teams that I believed in were my children, SMU would be the disappointing one. The one that we thought was always the smartest, but we find out he was breaking into garages and stealing beer the whole time."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

@davidadamcone @CrainCompany @JakeCrain_ @Blain_Crain @AlabamaFTBL @GeorgiaFootball @BarstoolAlabama @DiehardsAlabama @TDAlabamaMag @SSN_Alabama @TimBrando That wasp is making me so nervous....

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"I like that Dabo! YouTube TV...next step, Transfer Portal. Is this the start? Is this just the creaking of the door? 'Hey, Dad, remember that time I told you about the Quadbox and you really loved it? Let's talk Transfer Portal'."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"This is where Utah would still find ways to win because they're physical up front. Don't get lost with all the ornaments on the tree; remember why the tree survives, right? It's because of the roots. That's what the line of scrimmage is."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"It's tougher to tackle a Chewbacca than an Ewok."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

I just wonder if we're gonna get Dark Heupel. Because, again, it's stunting on your ex time. 'Guys, I told you not to throw it when we were up 35!' "

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"I think they're gonna go in there and do what they do. It's like McDonald's -- you have success making hamburgers, buddy, keep making hamburgers. I don't think they're gonna change anything.

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"Yeah, well, Lincoln Riley is just Lane Kiffin. He just won't tell you you're fat -- that's the difference."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"He seems like a great guy, I know the players like him. Yeah, you work hard. My washing machine works hard, but it can't start as QB at Auburn."

[Jake's Analogies @JCAnalogies]

"Payton Thorne can't be the engine of the car. All he is, is the guy that holds the steering wheel and tries not to crash that son of a gun into a wall. I've got nothing personal against the guy....