Jordan Funke

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

Never felt like more of a suburban dad in my life... my forearms are sore and cramping from leaf blowing too much 🍂. #lawnwars #needsomenewbalancesneakers

[TPS @TotalProSports]

No. 50 gets my vote for Sportsman of the Year.

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

My 4 y/old this morning: “daddy I had a dream that a witch came to our house and turned you into cookies!”
Me: “did you eat the cookies?”
4y/old: “only 3”
#cookiesovereverything #socaring

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

Reagan- “Daddy you know birds eat gum? “ Me- “oh really? What other animals eat gum? “ Reagan- “birds, beavers, and deer!! *gets concerned* but not eagles daddy. Pwomise me you won’t feed eagles my gum”. Me- “that makes sense, I promise” *cancels my Wednesday plans

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@chelsssieeee I’m screwed if the situation arises because I’m stumped! 😂. Apparently the U of I never taught me how to deal with these real life scenarios!

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

“Daddy I got a question...what if a bunch of little people knock you down and carry you somewhere?” -Reagan. Always asking life’s tough questions.

[ABC News @ABC]

The municipal building in Tel Aviv, Israel lights up in the colors of the American flag in solidarity with the victims of the deadly Pittsburgh synagogue mass shooting that killed at least 11 people. https://t.co/kUz3QjWLqP

[ABC News @ABC]

"This is the best birthday present you could've given me": Deaf janitor moved to tears after kindergartners learn to sing "Happy Birthday" to him in sign language. https://t.co/R2TNpiJcDl

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

“A daughter will only hold your hand for a little while but she’ll hold your heart forever”. Happy 4th birthday to my beautiful little “princess ballerina”!… https://t.co/qc5TSHVJUW

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@ZachKuntz gonna be me this summer!

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

T-minus 3 hours until puppy bowl Xlll begins!! I'm paws-itive it's going to be a great game this year! Fur-ocious competition #PuppyBowl

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@D_Kemper it took you that long to realize?! 😉

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@CarolineKemper @D_Kemper this is the one and only time that I will admit it was my fault! Lol

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@AndyCarlsonShow I think you're forgetting about cap space? We barely made jake long fit at the vet minimum.

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@CarolineKemper @D_Kemper I'm always here to help! Thank you for raising such an amazing daughter!!

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

@D_Kemper not sure who would be more excited... Me or Reagan?!! You would have to be ready for the worlds tiniest sugar rush! Lol

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

Rumor is ever since the black lab got out of the pound last month, he's had a new leash on life. T-minus 2 hours! #PuppyBowl rumors

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

As a financial advisor prior to today's Puppy Bowl I've advised my clients to invest heavily in tennis balls due to the high rate of return.

[Jordan Funke @JFunkme]

T-minus 4 hours until puppy bowl time! My money is on the Pug, he's got a bone to pick with the competition! #PugLife #WhereMyDogsAt