Grant Collins

Writer, actor, and improviser: a depressed optimist.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Thanks @rksbandofficial for spending 591 minutes with me in 2022. I couldn’t stop listening to Devil Like Me. #SpotifyWrapped https://t.co/nU7fXIMQik

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

The biggest lie an influencer can tell is when they ask for recommendations. They just want that engagement baybee!

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

I wake up some mornings and my back hurts. That sucks. But not as bad as waking up with a bad back and believing that the earth is flat, chem trails are real, Trump won the presidency, the gov’t is a lie, and Covid is a hoax. That must really suck.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

There’s a surprisingly large group of 40 year old men who were once great at pulling hair through Frost and Glow bleach caps.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

These are the same photo. You can’t convince me otherwise. #TimotheeChalamet #ernestpworrell

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

In the acting world, our MLM messages from “friends” are Go Fund Me links for their film or short they want to make.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Watching The Phantom Menace for the first time since 2002. Jar Jar ruins everything but the marketing worked back in 1999 because all I can think about is Pepsi and Taco Bell.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

@msmballen #whaletail

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

@bryanevansduff And you peaked with Dog Bank.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

@bryanevansduff You haven’t done good ‘prov since Snippets.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

If I hear someone say “during times like these...” one more time, I’ll prob never leave my house and refuse to see anyone. Oh wait.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Cool trend: take a song from TikTok famous to radio famous by adding a weird duet version with a member of One Direction.

[Open Letters @openletterbot]

🖋 Sign “Support the USPS!” and I’ll deliver a copy to your officials: https://t.co/GjO2cQ6Sqq

📨 No. 683,104 is from Grant to @SenAlexander, @MarshaBlackburn and @RepJohnRose #TN06 #TNpolitics #TNpol #SaveThePostOffice

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

@BillMeincke Just sit on your hands. Boom! Massagers and warmers.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

I’m at the point where there are two days of the week. Today is Sunny Day. Yesterday was Rainy Day.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Right now all my “side pieces” are just the border pieces of the puzzle I’m working.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Commercial execs everywhere: “find me every bit of stock footage we have of people using laptops or looking thoughtful at home! And get me some hopeful piano music!!”

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Y’all if I don’t learn one single Tik Tok dance during my self isolation, I’m never going to forgive myself.

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

Y’all at the point that you’re trying to summon some demons so you’ve got someone to talk to? No? Just me?

[Grant Collins @JGrantCollins]

If the person you have a secret crush on hasn’t reached out to you at all during all of this, I’m sorry, it’s one sided for sure.