James Hartley-Prime

Stand up comedian among other things. Mostly that though.

[Dara Ó Briain @daraobriain]

Seems legit. Better get my credit card out.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

"No no, quite sure! We had the 1pm siege tomorrow, you took a left 3 miles back not the right like you wanted." -Very friendly castle guard.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

"Are you sure this isn't 24 Dustdow Ln? 4.00 pm skirmish scheduled today?" -Medieval army after they put the wrong address into the GPS.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

"Oi, who the fuck is that? I will straight cut you." - Medieval castle guard who is confused about what era they are in.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

"Who goes where?" -Castle guard who is confused about the duty roster.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

"Who goes they're?!" -Grammatically confused castle guard.

[Quite Interesting @qikipedia]

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - ANATOLE FRANCE

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

@_AndrewThomas_ Eh, deprive them until either we step it up or they earn it.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

@NickVrchotick Well thanks, but also my goal is to be an inspiration without being drunk next tune.

[Nadeem Ahmed @Muqadaam]

We don't need crooks running our country #resigncameron simple !

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

My new life goal is to write a dissertation on #chooch on the inside of matchbooks.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

Finally A cup of Tea and The Vicar of Dibley.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

"I'll just pop a pan of water on to boil then shall I?" sounds a lot more threatening that "I'll just pop the kettle on" #LifeWithoutAKettle

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

The landlord came to take a look at the microwave, which sadly prevented me from boiling water for a fresh cup of tea. #LifeWithoutAKettle.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

@_AndrewThomas_ Brush your damn hair boy, while you still got some #ungrateful

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

Me: "Is 30 too young to have a midlife crisis?"
@_AndrewThomas_ "Not with your lifestyle"
Keeping it #chooch guys.

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

The person that invented kitchen cupboards was probably just tired of stepping on his dishes all the time. #KitchenFacts

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

If you find a hyena in your kitchen ask for the carbonara, it's fantastic but don't forget to tip! #KitchenHyenaFacts

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

Hyenas are proficient at making pasta sauces in the right kitchen. #KitchenANDHyennaFacts

[James Hartley-Prime @JHartleyPrime]

There are many different ways to prepare food in a kitchen, my preferred one is ordering pizza. #KtichenFacts.