JPretzle

I'm not used to twitter, fax me instead

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

@LegalEagleDJ Random question for you about an episode of Better Call Saul:

In season 2, the firm that is opposing Kim tries to hire her in the middle of the trial. Is that a thing that people can legally do?

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

Don’t worry, Mr. President. I’ll see you at your trial.

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

@billyeichner I can see it

[☆ ‧dreamboy·˟͙‧̩̥l @LilNasX]

i was at the store and someone asked me “are you lil nas” i said yes and then all of the employees quit their jobs, put me on their shoulders and chanted “LIL NAS X LIL NAS X” while playing my ep across the speakers.

[NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES]

CHECK OUT THIS RECIPE I HAVE FOR LOW CARB VEGETABLE BASED BROWNIES

YOU BLEND A BUNCH OF VEGETABLES INTO A SLOP AND THEN ADD YET MORE VEGETABLES

I'VE CHOKED THE JOY OUT OF MY LIFE AND STAND HORRIFIED OVER ITS CRUMPLED FRAME

I CAN HAVE AS MANY AS I WANT

[Klume 🐏Eughghg @KlumeScribbles]

this will forever be my absolute number 1 favourite dialogue choice in any game

[rachel yara @bugposting]

the last time i went to urgent care i checked off “excessive crying” on the symptom list and the nurse got really confused and told me that was meant for babies

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

I'll straight up wear Vans in a car and listen to The Cars in a van I really don't give a shit anymore.

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

I'll straight up feed baby carrots to a man and Manwich to a baby I really don't give a shit anymore.

[Respectable Lawyer @RespectableLaw]

This thread of Diana talking to an army of Amazon corporate propaganda accounts is SERIOUSLY WEIRD.

[JP @jpbrammer]

Hello. My name is Joo Dee, and I work for Amazon. We are treated very well and I love my coworkers. My manager listens to me and I have plenty of bathroom breaks. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

My fiancé trying to find a tank top in the morning is more dramatic and interesting than most movies

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

@FredAndAngi Moana was nominated for an Oscar and the Rock is in that

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

@FredAndAngi Is Fred implying that “Brotha Christopher’s Neighborhood” wouldn’t have worked as a radio show?

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

George Wallace is the leader of Twitter

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

I'll straight up put my suits in a briefcase and my briefs in a suitcase I really don't give a shit anymore.

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

Well, this is just very exciting. It’s also my new Tinder pic. The Lion King is almost here!!!

[JPretzle @JPterasaur]

This is a perfect response to anything you that is super weird but doesn’t affect anyone else.

[Mayor Guy Fieri @GuyFieri]

We got no troubles 🦞
Life is the bubbles 🐡
Under the sea 🐠

[Rosario Dawson @rosariodawson]

Since insta is still down for some folks... Chancla for the win! #BottleCapChallenge

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the sky booms have begun. and we all know how scary they can be. so the human and i are headed to the shelter. to comfort some pups. who don’t yet have. someone to hold them