John Haslam

The official Twitter page of John Haslam

[Respectful Memes @RespectfulMemes]

Breaks my heart that pirates spend their whole lives following a map, when the real treasure is the friendships they build along the way.

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

Is 2016 J Mascis younger than 2009 J Mascis? It's like if Benjamin Button found a bunch of big muff pedals and a flat brimmed hat one day

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

@intoitoverit Who's Andy?

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

@bigdecibel how's the team doing this year?

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

a girl gave me her phone and made me swipe through her recent halloween pictures and I went too far back now things will never be the same

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

my heart goes out to the old man who needed 3 mcdonalds workers to explain to him why 4 mcnuggets costs more than 8, but 20 cost less than 6

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

@brettcolangelo unfortunately for us both I don't have twitter on my phone so I saw you in person without having seen this. im embarrassed.

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

@brettcolangelo don't let anyone close to you tell you what to do.just listen to me 3000 miles away saying get "BLINK 182" it fits perfectly

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

Self realization moment: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was my most played song on itunes at one point.

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

words cant describe how I feel so heres 200 of them describing exactly how I feel and what I meant to say in the first place

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

when girls post "words cant describe" or "i cant put into words" but then follow it up with a whole paragraph describing something in detail

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

~~*yOuR LipStiCk*~~
//HiS liPsTicK\\
{d o n t b o t h e r l i p s t i c k}
...I Kno EXacTly Wut LiPsTiCk...<3

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

girls will see any farm animal and say "omg I want to take him home with me" really? this cow standing in its own shit? and do what exactly?

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

Asians and women catch a bad rap.Nobody drives worse than the cops do in any movie from the 70's/80's. I didn't even know cars could do that

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

@brettcolangelo lawn on D. Former Parking lot. Future parking garage.

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

needless to say, over the course of 1000 tweets I definitely put hypothetical scene girls and local trash in their place. heres to 1000 more

[John Haslam @J_Haz]

coming up on 1k tweets proving that if you put enough time into something you can eventually look back and realize how much time you wasted

[Daniel Ralston @danielralston]

*Melania Trump steps to the podium*

SomeBODY once told me...the world was gonna roll me.