I never thought I’d become my father.. minus the crack and heroin of course..
But here I am. Waiting tables and bartending just.. he never got a god as me. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.. relating myself to him as a human.. makes me wanna slit my wrist.
Was it worth it?
The people you had to manipulate and lie to? The people you had to say good bye to? For a life you felt you had to survive through, not thrive through? Now I’m just one less thing you left behind too…
As she whispers to me “You know… this doesn’t end well for you.. right?”
I replied “When has anything? After what I’ve seen, nothing scares me, but me.”
You tried to break my heart again
Tried to Made me feel worthless again well it’s a hard miss, pick up some new tricks. You really think you can tear me apart again? 😂 I’ve owned all my sins, you won’t ever be ready to begin.
I hate that there’s so much joy in my heart while some of the people in my life are going through so much pain. It comes and goes my heart hurts at times, but I’m feeling a new uprising.
Lately I’ve been secretly praying every night that I don’t wake up.. I’m tired.
This has been enough for me. There’s no joy any more. I just want the end and eternal sleep.. but I can’t. I don’t get to just go like my brother did. I have to stay.