StringerBella

I had some dreams they were ☁️ in my ☕️

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

I think what Trump finds most offensive regarding TACO Trade is that it’s a Mexican food. I hope he finds these American staples more comforting:

Burning
US
Relationships
Genuinely
Even
Russia

Fucking
Ruining
Ideal
Economic
Situation

Not
Understanding
Grocery
Stores

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

My mom has a Christmas ornament from 1993 that accurately predicted your future CVS receipt.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

So Blade is just like the Uncle Tom of Vampires?

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

After a hot Barbie Summer, I’m just really looking forward to a crisp Chucky fall.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

In my house, every room is a panic room

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

Shit, I’d get in a balloon for a better view of the Dutton Ranch

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

I use to watch @Nick_Offerman and think there’s no one more manly. But I could feel it so badly as Bill in the last The Last of Us, that I swear to God I’ve grown a Y chromosome. @Nick_Offerman gave me a contact Y.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

The synth in Stranger Things this season has a greater emotional spectrum than I’ve ever felt

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

I cut my dog’s bangs and now I’m convinced I’m the Edward Scissor hands of my generation.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

Summer’s over, and I know that makes you sad, but only one member of LFO is still alive, so it gets worse.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

Sometimes I swallow reduced fat cheese-it’s whole just to feel something

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

Before any negotiation, I like to watch the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. It doesn’t help with negotiations or anything, I just really enjoy watching the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

The best thing about buying a house is getting the septic tank inspected so you can finally talk to someone about how much you poo without it being weird.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

My mom just confused Lisa Frank with Anne Frank. Now that’s a diary of a different color.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

I’m just legit enough to quit.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

How do you apply to be one of those cardboard cutouts at the Super Bowl? Is there an application or do so just need to fail a Turing test?

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

My dad just watched Frozen 2, and I haven’t seen him this upset at a sequel since me.

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

Good night, guys. I’m Twenty Twenty Done ✌️

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

I’d give my life to not know how to pronounce Ibiza correctly

[StringerBella @JackiePizz]

@pitchjokes miss you.