DecoyBurger

Amateur chef, amateur cross stitcher, amatuer mom, professional quarantiner.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

I think now I get how people have whole imaginary relationships with their crush... because I have that with a dog in my neighborhood. His name is Waffles.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Do I have a ceiling headache because the world is shit and I'm exhausted or because covid 🤔🤔🤔

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Honestly uncool that I have to keep living in the "end times" without a river of fire sweeping away my ex and/or Mitch McConnell.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Boychild: picked my new read for ELA today.
Me: *book nerd, but tryna be cool* nice, what?
Boychild: something that seems cool. It's called.. Scorpio Races?
Me: CAN I INTEREST YOU IN THIS VIDEO I TOOK OF @mstiefvater PLAYING THE BAGPIPES!?

[Cholula Hot Sauce @CholulaHotSauce]

Question: Do you add Cholula before every bite of your burrito, or do you add it inside? 🌯
📷 IG: planburritouk

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

I know I'm late to the @DowntonAbbey party but if anything happens to derail Mr. Carson marrying Ms. Hughes... we are DEEP into last straw territory.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Before I had Noodle to tell me if it was a #BonesDay I had to wait and see if the nice mail lady or the grumpy mail man was coming.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Something has really been bothering me lately.
It's @charlieputh 's eyebrows.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

But have they tried cutting back on avocado toast?

[CNN @CNN]

US government will run out of money by October 18, Treasury secretary says https://t.co/UKJDoBH6EP

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

If you're going to ask me how many times I've watched @_StevenSteven_ say he's proud of me you're not my real friend.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

I think we all know positivity isn't my bag, but if Steve is proud of me and Brendan Fraser is back... does that mean we are all gonna be alright?

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

I don't want to say that @TedLasso cures depression or anxiety. But I also wouldn't place a low risk bet against it.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

My therapist told post-partum-me to do something for myself so I turned on @TheSims for the first time in like 2 years. I accidentally had twins and now I'm more stressed out.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

I love @30Rock but... how did it air so long when one of the main plot points is that Tina Fey is gross and unattractive? 🤔🤔🤔

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

@LadyStarstorm Lady, this us. In the same boat together.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

@DothTheDoth @KaseysgoRawr I. Am. On it.

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Do You Know If You're Laughing Or Crying, Because I Can't Tell - (probably) written by @brendonurie , performed by my daughter

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Ronan missed him like a lung. #DreamerTrilogy

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Anyone else wake up at 4:50 this morning and cry a little while watching Bluey? Anyone?

[DecoyBurger @JaimeEtc]

Did I use all my embroidery floss? No. But did I at least finish winding it all and putting it away? No. But do I need to buy some more? Clearly yes.