So far my favorite commercial was the #BudLightSeltzer 2020 was a lemon one. I still won't drink that bottled yak sweat with lemon flavor, but the commercial was funny
#SuperBowlLV#superbowlcommercials
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So I may be a little chubby. I'm also funny, loyal, and will stay face down in your love pocket so long you'll think I had a snorkel on
#tinderprofile
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I have an important question: how do you eat your tacos? Soft shell or hard shell? Corn or flour tortilla? Do you leave the back open or do the taco tuck? Your answer is not a deal-breaker, but it is important
#tinder
So the Trump Administration is apparently attacking Billie Eilish. I'm oddly hopeful that this is what pushes America over the edge and we finally get rid of trump
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Do I want to be a stepfather to your little snot dripping demon seed? No. But I'm lonely AF so for an occasional titty flash and/or hand-jo, I'll be step dad of the damn decade
#tinder#stepdaddy
I'm going to get sued by Disney aren't I? New video out, watch it before I'm murdered in my sleep by a minion.
https://t.co/brSHQXsAhA
Thanks to @smacktownsend, @VivaMurillo, and @JamesBaileyhaha for going down in this ship
Can somebody, anybody, explain to me why I love the song I Hope by @GabbyBarrett_ so much? Like yeah it's a good song, and she has a great voice, but why am I so obsessed with that song? Like seriously, it's starting to worry me
Chris D'Elia "Dude, I'm getting cancelled. We're into the same thing, how did you survive it?"
Drake "I wrote enough shitty music people forgot I tried to holla at the little girl from Stranger Things"
Child me "I'm only drinking soda and Kool-Aid when I grow up. I hate water"
Hungover adult me "OMG water is so fucking good! I love water. I need all the water"
I'm only 98% sure, but I believe I saw an overweight woman grab a can of Axe, stick her hand into her sweatpants, and sprayed down her pussy on the side of Gulf to Bay. I'm only 98% sure because it might not have been Axe
I hate #Florida#fuckflorida