Tea Mistress Jen 🫖

👷‍♀️ Engineer turned Tea Mistress 🫖 Wife of @dad_chai 💜 Cat Mom to @ChaiGerdes 🐈 Chronically Awesome 🦓 Views are my own, etm.

[BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️ @mmpadellan]

Holy shit, this sick old man can't even keep himself upright, seated in the Oval Office.

He's practically sideways. How TF is this not a bigger story?

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@harryjsisson @MalcolmNance I like the guy in the back trying to sneakily wake him up by bumping his chair.

[𝒹𝓇𝒾𝓏𝓏𝓎𝓁𝒾𝓉 @drizzylitfw]

The fattest kitten at work hates humans SO MUCH. He doesn't want to get picked up, he doesn't want a cuddle. we're all like, you should have thought about that before you decided to be the fattest little baby in existence. You think we're not going to pick you up? You think we're not going to kiss you?
You're so fat

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

I’m still trying to get over what my Mom said to me. Using coping skills gained through 20 years of therapy. Brainstorming ways to be a contributing member of society in her eyes. Accepting emotional support from my husband and Dad. Trying to justify my existence to myself.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

Pro Tip: If your daughter with bipolar disorder confesses to you that she feels like everyone would be better off if she died, don’t yell at her for 30 minutes about what a burden she is less than a month later. That’s how you end up outliving your child.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@ChaiGerdes Most importantly, she is so easy to love. The staff and volunteers at the rescue where she spent three years waiting for us adored her. We fell in love the moment my @dad_chai picked her up. We love everyone who loves her!

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@ChaiGerdes This is the pic that made us realize that we had an obligation to get Chai on social media ASAP.
☑️ Mustache
☑️ Charismatic
☑️ Photogenic
☑️ Energetic
☑️ Affectionate
☑️ Expressive
☑️ Rare disease to advocate for
☑️ Happy ending after a tough life
☑️ Did I say MUSTACHE already?

[Doug Lemov @Doug_Lemov]

There really needs to be a service within @Uber called “Uber Pickup” where you can book a guy with a pickup truck. then you could, say, go pick up a piece of furniture. Guy’s not a mover. You have to carry the thing yourself. He just drives the truck. But you’re new in town you don’t know anyone and you buy a table from a person on fb marketplace for your new apartment- what do you do? You have to book a U-Haul to put something half the size of the truck in it for 40 minutes.

[kelly @kellytheboss7]

A college student with ADHD once explained why their essays end up filled with so many parentheses:
“Neurotypical people think in straight lines. My brain thinks in a giant web where every single concept is physically holding hands with twelve other concepts.”
In other words, their thoughts don’t unfold in a neat, step-by-step sequence. Instead, one idea immediately triggers several related ideas at once. While writing, it can feel impossible to ignore those connections because they all feel relevant and important, even if they branch off from the main point. Parentheses become a way to temporarily “park” those side thoughts without losing them.
So the essay ends up reflecting the actual structure of their thinking: layered, branching, and constantly interlinked. What looks messy on the page is really an attempt to capture a mind that doesn’t move in a straight line, but in a network where everything is connected to everything else.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@RebeccaNotMsLay @marbledacat And mine as well.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

I’ve never had a tweet get this much attention, so I’m not really used to managing this. I just want to thank everyone for their empathy, sympathy, sharing their own stories, and expressions of support.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

Pro Tip: If your daughter with bipolar disorder confesses to you that she feels like everyone would be better off if she died, don’t yell at her for 30 minutes about what a burden she is less than a month later. That’s how you end up outliving your child.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

I finally worked up the nerve to talk to my Dad. He made me feel better, just us having a normal, pleasant conversation. He reassured me without being asked to. I’m so grateful for him helping me feel like a little bit less of a burden.

[Covie @covie_93]

He said he's getting rid of DEI to hire people based on merit then hired a guy who built houses to serve as the leader of the US intelligence community.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@rebelpioneer I appreciate reading that.

[Suzie rizzio @Suzierizzo1]

Trump is now going to have Indy car drivers race through D.C to celebrate this Country’s 250th Birthday. Indy car is also selling Freedom 250 White T shirts in their online store that say “One Nation One Race”. Apparently the T shirt has been removed from the site due to backlash.

[Spicy Chai @ChaiGerdes]

I take my job as an ESA prescribed by Mom’s longtime psychiatrist VERY seriously.

[Laura Matsue @lauramatsue]

No one is more annoyed by the AI revolution than people who can actually write a sentence. Basically, having any ability to write now is suspect - you will get accused of being AI at some point. It feels like you are being accused of being a witch, of holding a type of rare magic that only the machines are now allowed to have.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

I am William Pulte, and as of this morning the President Trump appointed me acting Director of National Intelligence of the United States.

I am thirty-eight. I have never held a security clearance, never served in uniform, never sat through a briefing that wasn't about interest rates. The President says I have deep experience in the safety and soundness of ten trillion dollars. He is right. I have spent two years deciding which Americans are sound and which are not, and now I get to do it with satellites.

You know me from Twitter. I invented Twitter philanthropy. I picked strangers at random and sent them thirty thousand dollars over Cash App, winners announced in the thread, and three and a half million people followed me to watch it happen. Is that a fanbase? It is a voluntary intelligence database, self-enrolled, fully consented, sorted by who needed the cash most. The desperate identify themselves, like fish swimming up to the boat. I only read the replies.

Before this I ran housing finance. I want to be clear about my method, because people call it political and it is not. It is real estate.

I noticed Lisa Cook had listed two homes as primary residences. Mortgage fraud. I referred her. Then I turned to Letitia James. Adam Schiff. Eric Swalwell. Fani Willis. One after another, the way you'd pull comps on a block before you buy it. I am a homebuilder. My grandfather was also named William Pulte, and he laid the foundations, the literal ones, poured concrete, raised the largest homebuilder in America. I inherited the name and the trade. I know what a house is for, and it is not for shaving a point off your rate, and it is certainly not for sitting in judgment of the President after I have your closing documents open on my desk.

The President removed Cook in August. A judge blocked it in September. The Supreme Court let her keep the seat in October. One of my deputies went on television and promised she will be charged no matter how the Court rules. I did not correct him. I never interrupt a man who is describing the future.

They have a phrase for what I do. Safety and soundness. I applied it to Jerome Powell, who refuses to cut rates and refuses to quit, which renders him, by my own definition, unsound. So I post at him. From my personal account, the same handle where I gave away the thirty thousand dollars, which has lately become the handle where I issue agency directives, because nobody instructed me to stop and I have never once stopped of my own accord.

I still run the FHFA. I chair Fannie Mae. I chair Freddie Mac. Nobody asked me to surrender any of it, so I kept all three, the way a careful man keeps the gas masks. I am the only person in this city who can pull your mortgage, your followers, and the President's Daily Brief from a single chair, and wire you a Cash App payment before I stand up.

The transition team asked for my hundred-day plan. I sent them a screenshot of my following list.

Here is how it works now. The tip line is a giveaway. Report a neighbor, get entered to win, winners announced in the thread. Americans will watch each other for far less than thirty thousand dollars, I have run the numbers, and the ones who do it for nothing are the ones I keep.

Everyone begins sound. Soundness can be lost. This is no longer a watchlist, you understand, because a watchlist names suspects and mine names all of you, which is broader, which is more fair.

I do not declassify documents. I retweet them. The President's Daily Brief drops at nine eastern, peak engagement, and the version with the names goes only to close friends.

Foreign intelligence is the identical trade on a wider street. Ask me which countries claimed two capitals as a primary residence. I have already referred three.

The GAO opened an inquiry into me. Into whether I abused my authority, as though authority came with some gentler setting. I welcomed it warmly. A federal probe is just the government admitting you matter, and I read their letter the way I read all correspondence now, as a roster of names bolted to addresses. They are still awaiting my response. It will come. The GAO leases its office, and I have studied the lease.

Tulsi stepped aside at the end of May. They wanted somebody quickly, somebody confirmed for something, anything at all, and I had been confirmed for housing back when the Senate still confirmed people. So I serve in an acting capacity. It happens to be my specialty. I have spent my whole life qualifying for posts the morning after I already occupied them, and the paperwork has always wandered around to my side eventually, the way a jury softens once it remembers where it parks.

My confirmation hearing arrives in the fall. Am I nervous? I have already read the file of every senator who will sit in that room. I have read the file of every reporter who will describe it. Two of them took my money in 2021, and neither gave it back.

The eighteen agencies no longer need to speak to one another. They need to speak to me. You can reach the entire intelligence community by tagging me, and most of you already have.

Like and retweet for national security. Winners announced in the thread.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@drizzylitfw This is why I don’t understand why people use AI to manipulate their cats. Our cat does more hilarious things IRL than AI ever could hope to fart out.

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@JaneGriffiths99 *yell into the void

[Tea Mistress Jen 🫖 @JenDGerdes]

@JaneGriffiths99 Since I have so few followers that know me IRL, it’s kind of my place to tell into the void. I’m more honest about my thoughts and feelings here than I am IRL.