Jessica J. Wood

Business litigator. Comedy model. Ironic dancer.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@LesterTate Have fun! My brother and nephew are there, too.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@DietCoke_Esq The Venn diagram of clients who are mean/disrespectful/yell-y and clients who I terminate is a perfect circle.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@Mayreu2 @strowhiro I’ve leaned into that a few times, cheerfully. I ask them to come with me to the kitchen so they can make their own individual cup, because “surely you wouldn’t trust opposing counsel to prepare your drinks, amirite?” It totally confuses them, bless their hearts.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@BrandonLBradfor Why does a "very large billion dollar company" require its employees to bring a "partner" to help with inventory? Spouses and children perform the (unpaid?) work. HR and legal should take that seriously, too.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

A toothful declaration.

[Luke Bradley @lucasdrayton]

when you're a lawyer and your kindergartener is freaking out because she can't find the tooth she lost last night and won't get paid by the tooth fairy

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@JustJoshinNH After one date: "Reader, I married him."

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@legallyypink That’s sweet. You are well loved.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@ElonMuskAOC Xcommunicating

[James Urbaniak @JamesUrbaniak]

"Wisconsin, Michigan, could go for Barbie, could go for Oppenheimer. Nolan’s always done well in the Midwest but a lot of people there loved Little Women. On the East Coast, New York favoring Oppenheimer, his home state, no surprise there, Pennsylvania too close to call…"

[🥀_ Imposter_🖕 @Imposter_Edits]

This is the story of 25-year-old Carlethia “Carlee” Nichole Russell who was recently abducted and is currently considered missing in Alabama. Please share and spread awareness.
Carlee stopped her car to help a stranded toddler on the side of the road when it's assumed she was abducted.
I will be adding to the thread with more info.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@fodderyfodder Neil Caiman
Alligatori Amos
Crocodiley Cyrus

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

Best advice for new attorneys? 1. Don't talk without a conflict check: "I cannot discuss this with you at this pool party. I want to protect privilege. Please send info to my work email." 2. Engagement letter. 3. Replenishable retainer. 4. No pro bono for rich people.

[Alyssa Leader @alittleleader]

BRB changing my signature block to “female litigator.”

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

In each of us are two wolves

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@keithdamort @jkosseff You “need” to know if someone isn’t drinking alcohol because they are in recovery from alcohol use disorder, on certain medications, religious, pregnant, breastfeeding, trying to get pregnant, don’t want to risk a DUI? You may want to rethink your needs.

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

https://t.co/02PYbZQn9N

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

https://t.co/iaR2tvMzGW

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@ForgetTheMoose Rhett Barkler?

[Jessica J. Wood @JessicaJWood2]

@freelancelawmom https://t.co/7iSmrziq09

[vibe instructor✌🏾🐝 @Vanessa_ABee]

so much of being a lawyer is like “It is well established that elevator buttons are fun to push.” See Burt v. Jubilant, Inc., 426 F.2d 472, 476 (2d Cir. 2017) (“this Court agrees that button-pushing meets the second prong of the fun test”); but see Otis, Inc. v. Sprout, 319 F.3d—