Jesse Bercier

“Comedian” has a level of expectation & negative connotation to it. Let’s just say I’m... ONLINE (he/him)

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

I am:
⚪️ a man
⚪️ a woman 🔘
not good at formatting tweets

Looking for: ⚪️ friendship
⚪️ a relationship

🔘 likes & RTs anyway

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

Winnipeg is abuzz with excitement over wins from the Jets & the Bombers tonight. I didn’t watch the games, but the fake ID/road trip episode of The Simpsons came up in the rotation so I feel like we’re all riding the same high

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

all set to take myself out to the movies tonight and there’s nothing worth seeing. time to look inward, reflect, and decide if I’m honest enough with myself to admit I just wanted a bag of disgusting popcorn for dinner and can just make that at home

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

“haha that’s crazyy!” is a perfect catch all text reply. I’d elaborate further, but - haha that’s crazyy!

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

@localheathers Like pub trivia, but companies can hire me to host it just for their team building/private party events

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

I might seem cool & mysterious posted up at a bar downtown sipping on whiskey, but I just showed up ENTIRELY TOO EARLY for my CORPORATE TRIVIA HOSTING GIG so I’m NERVOUSLY DRINKING A SINGLE DRINK FOR 45 MINUTES, that’s all. also, ‘sup girl

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

After tonight I will have hosted 3 corporate trivia nights in 4 days. Is this going to screw up my personality to where I only ever ask questions:
A) In multiple choice format?
B) About mid-90s movies & songs?
C) To drunken middle managers?
D) To god (ie. “WHYYYY????”)?

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

I wouldn’t say I’m a dumb person per sé, but when referring to them in the present tense I’ve referred to every day as “the future” since January 1st, 2000

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

god gives his toughest battles (burnt the roof of my mouth eating a too hot burrito last night) to his quietest soldiers (it hurts real bad, I keep asking anyone who will listen to bring me ice cream)

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

“DID I STUTTER??” I ask intensely, as I turn to walk away but instead smash my entire groin on a fire hydrant I didn’t see was there

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

“going off the rails”? no no, I assure you - this crazy train is still making all its scheduled stops. actually gaining some time, it would seem

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

“THIS guy knows what I’m talking about!” I say, gesturing to literally any of the countless people who have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about ever

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

Nov. 1st might be my favourite work day of the year, because you get to ask coworkers how many trick or treaters they had last night then as they’re answering you can cut them off by saying “YEAH WELL IT’S CHRISTMAS NOW”

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

everyone at work has a TuMmY aChE from eating Halloween candy all day. meanwhile I - who have lived life as a junkfood-inhaling type 1 diabetic for the better part of the last 32 years - also feel very gross & bad. we are dumb

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

was my costume for last night’s Simpsons trivia low effort? yes. BUT was it bad? also yes. here’s ROY

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

I like that rather than learn to type more accurately I’ve instead just beat my phone into accepting that “to ight” should just always correct to “tonight”. SHOWED YOU WHO’S BOSS, TECHNOLOGY

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

I’m moving into an apartment connected by tunnel to a private, heated, indoor pool and a Dollarama. I’ll try not to let this level of glitz & glamor change me, but remember who I am now come December

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

the 1st time I got my heart broken I grew a beard. I got my heart broken recently and I shaved my beard into a stupid handlebar moustache. it hasn’t helped much w/ sadness, but now when I get a single tear roll down my cheek and people ask why I can just say “cowboy stuff”

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

if you’re a real life dracula this is probably the most relaxed & stress-free week of the year for you. good on ya!

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

not tired, not alert, but a secret third th-wait, did you say tired? ‘cause yeah, THAT. sorry I missed it the first time

[Jesse Bercier @Jessolido]

will *this* be the diet coke that fixes me? ehhh better not risk it, I’ll keep drinking them multiple times a day until my blood becomes carbonated & delicious