Jewmor

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

*Speeding 27 MPH over the speed limit & zipped across 3 lanes without signaling, and gets pulled over*
Cop: Sir, do you know why you're being pulled over?
Me: Yes officer, because I'm Jewish

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@bknwrabbi I heard this once from R' Eytan Feiner, and he added that the hebrew word for stone, אבן, stands for אב בן נכד, hinting at the continuity of generations that can keep adding to the neshama, so that it's never really completely "gone"

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

I love going over to random bald guys at shacharis and motioning to them to lift their tefillin shel rosh a little higher

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@VaadHaBadchanim @ManischewitzCo https://t.co/m5gX7eNFB2
This name would get you the nomination!

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

They should be called
Hot דג's

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@ManischewitzCo

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

Jelly donuts, but filled with that jarred gefilte fish jelly

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

Jelly donuts, but filled with that jarred gefilte fish jelly

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

Imagine back in the days when being obese was a sign of affluence. Meshulachim knocking on my door all day, yeshivos harassing me to be the guest of honor... and I have to embarrassingly keep explaining "I just have a slow metabolism"

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@endimem_music Almost. I don't see any accidents though

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@Mottel What Twitter?

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@YPanitch Most parshiyos actually have like 2 maamarim and then some smaller pieces, so might actually be perfect for you 👌

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@YPanitch @ayilbasvach @DBashIdeas @danielgibber @SeforimChatter @behindtcounter The ohr gedalyahu? Great choice! I was actually just talking to an old torah vdaas talmid today, bemoaning how little of his torah was published

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

I don't know if I have @endimem_music number to lose it, but I imagine I have it saved under a few different random names like: barber in irv
Romanian salami distributor guy
Cheap cigs seller
Starwoods points guy
Yeshiva account for enterprise guy

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

If someone would have just come up with a gemtria for Zeldik, he would have won

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@HeimishHumor He talks about bringing a pickle with him to put it next to it 😅

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@endimem_music https://t.co/ntJ2182I23 updating it's system to include local mosques

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@JSoundbites They played פע-פע (ping pong)

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@historacle_358 @yoniChanowitz I don't think people want tzimztum there

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@Heisenfeldberg @endimem_music @elonmusk The same voice that told me I'm winning the powerball

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

Meschta nedarim vibes
#T4thedaf

[Zac Kamenetz @zackamenetz]

The Karaites haven’t waged a campaign this extreme since the 12th Century.

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@EliLebowicz These guys also practice for this a whole year

[Jewmor @Jewmor1]

@DBashIdeas When netz was at 7:25 this week, I asked the shabbos 7:00 shacharis if they waited for netz😁