Jill Morris

Onion contributor. Funny or Die. McSweeney's. Upright Citizens Brigade alum. Angelyne’s campaign manager for CA gov.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

I hit a landmark. 69 followers on Bluesky. Please nobody follow me so it stays this number forever. https://t.co/Vfw8bM7u8c

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

My Dasher’s driving the wrong way with my uranium.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Not surprised Trump and his people are assaulting America. It is a pretty young country.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

I’d be safer in a frat house than hanging out with the next admin.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

I saw The Apprentice in theaters before the election. The woman next to me cried nonstop during the last 20 minutes. Anyway, I bet she’s fine now!

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Goodbye, cruel, world. 

Wait, no! The comma!

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Has America tried pinning the Constitution to the top of its profile?

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Is it a red flag if you're dating a serial killer, and he only wants to kill other people?

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Not worried about nuclear war because I think I’d look better with three tits.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Maybe now that Dr. Oz is in charge of Medicaid and Medicare, they'll finally start covering the vacuum dust he sells as a supplement.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

If I’m not the most popular person in my camp, I’m joining the fascists.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Your honor, my client is innocent because I assume everything is my fault.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Two happy creatures back in October. Georgia has not let the election affect her mood.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Of course. The details would be too arousing for Republicans to handle.

[CNN @CNN]

Speaker Mike Johnson says he will request the House Ethics Committee not release a report on allegations related to Trump attorney general pick Matt Gaetz https://t.co/KsINYpYjly

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Well, why are teenagers allowed to be that age, anyway?

[Aaron Rupar @atrupar]

Debbie Wasserman Schultz: "Most parents wouldn't trust Matt Gaetz with their teenager, nevermind with our entire system of justice."

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

I would speak out against the removal of the Department of Education, but I don’t want to end up on the Department of Re-Education’s radar.

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Getting pretty sick of this sleep paralysis demon climbing on top of me every night and never asking me to be his gf.

[follow @bencollins on bluesky @oneunderscore__]

Hello!

The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars.

We're planning on making a very stupid website.

We've retained some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull it off.

I can't wait to show you what we cooked up.

https://t.co/nGvkF6kUC3

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Via our parent company @GlobTetrahedron
CEO @BryceTetraeder: https://t.co/c3yFESwUKU

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

@custer05 You got me good. Pedophilia DOES make me sad!

[Jill Morris @JillMorris]

Republicans care so much about children they’re installing a pedophile attorney general.