Jill

[trish @ultragloss]

picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown

[Jill @JillowSmith]

Miles Bumgardner that one day at lunch in 8th grade on the cafeteria’s behavior management microphone #SunnyVale2008 https://t.co/I06CysBwvz

[Jill @JillowSmith]

Good luck to my indulgences because I’ll be letting myself get away with anything due to recent circumstances.

[Jill @JillowSmith]

@LooniRacooni @SwizzleSister @UmbilicalKordei Yeah people would be like “ugh if only she did that joe Rogan interview!!!”

[Jill @JillowSmith]

The cadence of every airport employee is neurotic sarcasm.

[Dexter Goad @ShadowDogProd]

Cuz my ass was at home on Jan 6th

[Jill @JillowSmith]

“Political violence is always wrong, but only when it flows one way.” https://t.co/5htPlUM6qr

[Infield Fly Girl @infieldflygrl]

I think he should be forced to carry it to term

[SHAQ @SHAQ]

Muah to all my beautiful twitter bugs, ( no guys should smile at this message) LOL, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

[Jill @JillowSmith]

@alliumduel And they commit tax fraud annually!

[Jill @JillowSmith]

Hurts, don’t it?

[Henry Winkler @hwinkler4real]

Game ready !!!

[Jill @JillowSmith]

@SHAQ thank u, Shaq

[Jill @JillowSmith]

I don’t know if I’m more surprised that Rick Rolling is back, or that my 5th graders have successfully Rick Rolled me multiple times this summer.

[Jill @JillowSmith]

A real thing I just tried to google

[Jill @JillowSmith]

“We can't be protected by the same masculinity that kills us” https://t.co/keUpLjIKAm

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

Now they want to arm teachers that they don’t trust with curriculum.

[Jill @JillowSmith]

The only way to get money for your birthday is to phrase it as wanting “cold, hard cash”. Family members cannot resist the urge to put a wad of cash in water and freeze it for comedy.