Paul Rudd's Nuts!

I only tweet using my penis. I also only tweet on the bus.

(oh yeah... I have terminal cancer.)

(link to My first CD)

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

My G.F. has a pair of 'meatloaf' panties.

On the front, it says 'I would do anything for love'

On the back it says 'but I wont do that.'

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 12 years, since 23 Nov 2010 (via @twi_age).

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 11 years, since 23 Nov 2010 (via @twi_age).

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

A priest, a rabbit and a monk walk into a bar.

The bartender asked the rabbit "what'll you have?"

The rabbit replies, "I dunno... I'm only here because of autocorrect!"

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

I think astrology is bullshit too if it’s any constellation.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

Sausage before sausbeauty.

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

Every now and then some smart-ass will ask me what I'm wearing under my Kilt....

I always reply, "your wife's lipstick!"

[Tits McDick @Tits_McDick]

I hope there are mornings when Martha Stewart wakes up and says “fuck it” and sticks an Eggo waffle in the toaster.

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

A priest, a rabbit and a monk walk into a bar.

The bartender asked the rabbit "what'll you have?"

The rabbit replies, "I dunno... I'm only here because of autocorrect!"

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

Every now and then some smart-ass will ask me what I'm wearing under my Kilt....

I always reply, "your wife's lipstick!"

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

This was OUR stimulus package growing up!

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

When you ate four pot brownies and now you wiegh 2 o'clock.

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

When you ate four pot brownies and now you wiegh 2 o'clock.

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

If you have a hearing aid, you're not a cougar...

Technically, you're a Def Leppard.

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

Look at the size of this steak sub!

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

I did not change my clocks last night.

I'm tweeting this from the future!

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

"Deep vein thrombosis" sounds like the name of a porno!

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

I couldn't even afford anything in this place if it was called "Half Foods!"

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

There's no crying during Anal.

That cost extra!

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

I'm no Karen, but making fun of retarded kids doesn't seem very PC to me.

[Paul Rudd's Nuts! @Jimboleem]

I did not change my clocks last night.

I'm tweeting this from the future!