Joe Durham

can we or can we not swear

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

@mariah_reid Got you:

Only 61.4% of corndogs made in Korea are consumed by Koreans

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

@tomsegura Imma tryna open the Doors of Durin 🤌🏼

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

@WaystarCorncob “Tell the kid.”

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

When you're out with your hootin buddies and run into your hollerin crew

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

Every day, we Wordle 649 further from God’s Wordle 1021

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

@ablmtg @Zach_Dubin @StunlockFTW @niphette Scryfall: “Here’s everything you could want in a Magic card database, but we’re also open to suggestions!”

Gatherer:

[poorly drawn lines @PDLComics]

won't sit

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

@SkewBoe S’talian

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

My method for washing the pizza cutter will one day put me in the hospital

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

@CitizenRat01 I have the dog help me put the blindfold on

[kristofer thomas @kristoferthomas]

my therapist: be kinder to yourself!

my brain: yeah be kinder to yourself you fucking idiot

[wint @dril]

society has shown its ass once again

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

.@pants

[naz @Nazxca]

There is only one thing girls want, and it starts with a P and ends in a S.

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

My father just turned 69 years old
(two days ago)

Drop a “Nice 👍🏼” for the old fella

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

Mixing splash-proof bleach with my drinking water so my pee stops going everywhere

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

I don’t cook
I don’t clean

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

I gave a one-armed lady $20 last night.

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

I love talking about something as if it’s a broad issue and then only having one flimsy anecdote to point to that might justify my case. I’ve spent years honing this craft.

[Joe Durham @JoeDurham_]

.@pants I give gifts to those on my gratitude list. I am a conduit of joy.

Thanks Josh! 🍰