Johanna

You is kind, You is smart, You is important

[Rebel @rebelhzaura]

“It’s ok she doesn’t have to go” is FRYING ME 😭😭😭😭😭

[theboywizard @theboywizard_]

I am not a houseguest I’m a paying customer. You need to compete with hotels or I’m not staying at your stupid fucking Airbnb. I’m not stripping YOUR BEDS

[cecidrai @cecidrais]

I’d be suchhhh a good backup goalie. I’d be so excited to open the door for everyone and I’d wear the cute little ball cap and I’d kiss all my teammates on the forehead when they sat on the bench

[wermie 🪐 @puckworm]

as someone with ocd, sometimes you really do just need your girlfriend to throw away the empty magical ice cream container while you're away

[emmy @landofpoppies39]

dr lisa hayes is a dominatrix. i’ve never been more sure of anything. she was a regular at that shop fabian’s friend worked at before they moved

[Beautiful Normal Woman @SillyBWoman]

Seven Brew is like if a Mega Church made a Wish to become a Coffee Shop

[Bone Daddy @onyxnight1989]

Ilya: *sitting on a plane with his headphones in & listening intently*
Luka: I wonder what Cap’s listening to
Bood: Probably Russian rap music, he likes that right?
Ilya: *internally* IF YOU WANNA PARTY WITH SOMEBODY WHO MIGHT KNOW ABOUT THE DEVIL ON HIS SHOULDER UNDER HIS HALO-

[marrow @marrowon]

Me if my husband ever called and said that 30 people were coming over for dinner in an hour

[Johanna @Joh_of_Arc]

@wetdishsoap Having partner over=fine. Having partner be in the common areas for 72 hours straight is inconsiderate

[Johanna @Joh_of_Arc]

@axiochrono Yeah we’re suffering over here

[TJ 🇵🇸 @bo0kthoughts]

To all the girl’s dealing with unwelcome boyfriends in their shared space: walk around in a bra and shorts and see how quick she stops inviting him over lmao these girls are just male centered and inconsiderate 🤷🏾‍♀️

[a ressentiment woman @ANNVYSHINSKY]

🔒 imagine you’re invited to someone’s house and you’re like sorry this is such short notice, don’t worry about dinner I’ll grab something on the way there. and your coworker is like oh, my wife will make her classic bear meat spaghetti. she always has ground bear meat on hand

[Phil Vischer @philvischer]

@JoelWBerry The actual lesson of the story, if you were paying attention, is “With God’s help, little guys can do big things, too.”

It’s an encouragement for kids that even though they’re little, God can still use them for good.

[Johanna @Joh_of_Arc]

@nadjatruther I think it’s so it’s loose so it doesn’t cause sensory hell around his neck

[Johanna @Joh_of_Arc]

@NHL Was Ryan Suzuki only playing for Ottawa in preseason?

[Tulip 💐 @cutelipssx]

My dementia client won’t eat his lunch today so I cut up his sandwich into small pieces and I’m following him around the house with a plate like a caterer at a party handing out horderves. He says “oh thank you! 😁” every time and I’m having so much fun using my imagination on the job lol.

[Femme dot capital @ICONOCLASTIAE]

All the men who thought Lindsay Clancy should be executed without a guilty verdict are suddenly able to understand due process when a group of men are accused of gang rape.

Huh. What could that possibly mean? 🧐

[Maryam @hell_line0]

We choose the bear because if it drugged and assaulted us for 7 hours, authorities would shoot it not ask it to write an essay and then help it find a job at a wealth management firm. Be so for real, Cornell.

[Johanna @Joh_of_Arc]

Some of us are just poor af and have uncoordinated hands to polish our own nails

[Danielle Franz @DanielleBFranz]

Bad news for the ladies who thought they were saving $80 on a manicure but were actually dogwhistling.

[Cartoons Hate Her! @CartoonsHateHer]

getting chased down the street for my racist halloween costume as I scream, "No, I'm satirizing the green crushed velvet secular wimple person, who you might know from dramas such as Irish milk, KN95 lesbian bar, masked infant, and more"