John Chalmers

(Dunfermline AFC) Baby Faced Philanthropist as well as a Crystal Bar V.I.P. Big handsome bastard. All views my own and not those of Mensa...or my employer.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

Do Ann Summers actually ask if yi want a bag?

No thanks Sue hen I'll carry the 15" black mamba with ma milk n bread.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

A fitbaw podcast would be good I reckon.

Def gap in the market for it.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

No. 10 North.

Based in the centre of the UK.

This tells you everything you need to know about how we are viewed.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@thoughtcrime___ @Shanemgillis this you?

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@iamtomskinner Everything comes down to money. It’s more easy to sell a boring grey box that can be transformed into another shop/ restaurant/ gym than a multicoloured one with a big dinosaur on it…unfortunately.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@offtheballbbc As a Dunfermline supporter I love their capital.

COME ON LA PAZ

[Daily Mail @DailyMail]

Pakistanis who gang-raped French tourist in front of her three children after her car ran out of fuel will be executed.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

This is ironic, given the fact I’m using my phone for this, but the country would heal itself if the internet went down for 12 months.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

You would have to slow this down to several months in Scotland

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

How roads are built

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@SPFLWatch Dunfermline 2014/2015 - full time and finished 7th(?) in League One will take some beating. We got beat 5-1 off Stranraer ffs.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

Class that.

[Daily Mail @DailyMail]

Millionaire US big game hunter, 75, is trampled to death by five elephants while hunting antelope in central Africa https://t.co/ipMRZvLKyK

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

I don’t ask for much. I’m a simple man. But for fuck sake. Win.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

The King retired at the top

[Victor Wanyama @VictorWanyama]

Today i announce my retirement from football, Four different countries six different clubs, A boy from Muthurwa with a big dream, carrying a Nations pride everytime i stepped onto the pitch. To my family, friends, agent, the fans and the coaching staff that helped me throughout

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

*14-95 year olds

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

45-75 year olds are in a booze crisis in the UK, with thousands and thousands in this age group hopelessly addicted to booze and can't do anything without factoring in getting pissed.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

Global tension level - High

North Korea - let’s turn it up a wee bit mare

[PM's Office of Japan @JPN_PMO]

[Emergency alert]
North Korea has launched a suspected ballistic missile. More updates to follow.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

Yasssssssssss!!

Bring the dogs on!

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

Get right into these Oil Rig shagging bastards.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

Nobody on the planet will feel worse than him and that’s the real fucking crime.

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@sstewart1988 @dundeeunitedfc We’ll get absolutely bonked aff the sheep

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@sstewart1988 @dundeeunitedfc I’ll swap with you mate. Try being a Toonie

[John Chalmers @JohnBoyPure]

@scotlandscoeff1 Stenhousemuir 4-5 Dunfermline

Only one I can actually think of where we won after being 2-0 down at half time!