joke acct 4

I am the CEO OF FUN!🖕joke loving lifestyle tweeter 🐦 #peacockislife 🦚 Co-inventor of the game MIND BOND 🧠

[joke acct 4 @JokeAccount4]

WHY is my feed only plagues and locusts???

[joke acct 4 @JokeAccount4]

Beleagueredly traveling with my husband @jokeaccount5

[Joke Account 5 @jokeaccount5]

beleaguered: as in beleagured traveler what is wrong with all these people

[Joke Account 5 @jokeaccount5]

it's 2026 and yet somehow, you managed to book an airline ticket and board the plane. you tell the attendant that you don't know how to turn off your fucking phone. you are beleaguering everyone around you. deplane and rethink it

[Joke Account 5 @jokeaccount5]

the bathroom in the front is not for you, head to the back. don't even try

[Desus MF Nice💯 @desusnice]

disliking manhattanhenge exposes a certain darkness in one’s soul, an existence devoid of whimsy

[Lance Corporate @lance_corporate]

“He’s about to have a mental breakdown about finances. Have his wife send him a Zillow listing.”

[joke acct 4 @JokeAccount4]

@jokeaccount5 However loud you think it is it’s LOUDER by 10 times.

[joke acct 4 @JokeAccount4]

This would literally be the perfect job for @jokeaccount5 one late night cereal bowl clinked 2 million times or blown out toilet and those squatters would be GONE.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Meet the “Squatter Hunter.”

His real name is Flash Shelton, and he’s gained national attention for an unconventional, and highly effective, method of dealing with squatters: he moves into the occupied homes himself and makes the squatters’ lives so miserable that they eventually leave.

It all started when squatters took over his mother’s house in Northern California. Tired of waiting for the slow legal eviction process, Shelton decided to move in and turn the tables. His strategy worked.

To protect himself legally, property owners sign a lease granting him the right to occupy the home. Once inside, he uses simple but relentless tactics, blasting music, taking over shared spaces, eating their food, and generally disrupting their daily comfort. He also wears tactical gear and carries non-lethal self-defense tools like pepper spray and a stun gun for protection.

Thanks to his bold approach, Shelton has successfully helped return multiple properties to their rightful owners.

[joke acct 4 @JokeAccount4]

More proof that @jokeaccount5 is a boomer! #skinnyjeans #wateredsoap

[Just T @Floridagirl0850]

What your wife really wants for Mother's Day is a giant dumpster so she can rage clean and throw away everything that overstimulates her.

[Maryam @hell_line0]

i saw a girl on tiktok say she views being mean to men as a way of honoring her ancestors for all of the times they had to quietly deal with male fuckery and you know what. yea, yea i like that

[jezz @JezziiB]

HOT TAKE: PEOPLE WHO FEEL HOT SHOULD DECIDE THE TEMPERATURE OF A ROOM. PEOPLE WHO FEEL COLD SHOULD WEAR A SWEATER.

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

Can't wait to get really old and drive my car into the side of a Dairy Queen

[Netflix @netflix]

"Marty is good at life."

MARTY, LIFE IS SHORT, the definitive documentary on the beloved comedian Martin Short, premieres May 12. Directed by Lawrence Kasdan.

[Katherine Argent @effthealgorithm]

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

[☥𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐱 @fw_lennox1]

I am fckin BEGGING sports bra makers to sew these pads in. Why are we still living like this???

[joke acct 4 @JokeAccount4]

Ahhh APRIL the glorious month where annually my husband insists he’s sick for weeks on end rather than acknowledge the existence or prevalence of ALLERGIES.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

[Reductress @Reductress]

'I Should Be an Astronaut,' Says Woman Who Dislikes Math, Exercise, Tight Spaces, and Heights: https://t.co/YLfR9lnloJ

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

group chats need a leaderboard that keep track of how many laughing emojis each person gets and the one with the least should be killed or kicked