Joking Hazard

the best and worst jokes, you decide which are which

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

I just suddenly stopped eating an exclusively plant-based diet. Just like that. I decided to quit cold tofurkey.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

What does IDK stand for? Nobody I've asked seems to know.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Why couldn't the sailors play cards? Because they were standing on the deck!

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Why did the chicken take out the cassette? To get to the other side!

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

I have a troubling problem with my bed and haven’t decided yet what to do about it. I think I will sleep on it tonight.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

I was thinking about applying for a job washing mirrors. I could really see myself doing that job.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

The police found the guy that stole my bicycle. They are charging him for pedaling stolen goods.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I just completed 100 push-ups. (I started last November.)

[Martin Lejeune™ @TheFaldor]

Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on the sides?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

What do frogs like to eat with their hamburgers?

French flies.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Did you hear about the duck who bought a round of drinks for everyone at the bar?

He told the bartender to put it on his bill.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Why did the clown eat the twenty dollar bill?

Because it was his lunch money.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Why don't alligators eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

[Ashley smith @alindeman14]

@JokingHazard is awesome! #shamelessadvertising

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

This frog is dining out and receives his meal. Unpleased, he calls over to the waiter and says - "there's soup in my fly"!

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

if you are feeling cold, go to the corners of the room, where it is always 90 degrees.

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

'Drink was probably involved' #jokinghazard #traffichazard #moderntriceratops https://t.co/Cq2go5lrIN

[Joking Hazard @JokingHazard]

Ever wonder what happens behind the scenes at Joking Hazard HQ? #jokinghazard