JonBidet Ramsey

Ive been where you are now.

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

Imagina living in a country where the life of its citizens is valued.

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

I think I matched with a baby on Tinder. I mean its wild that someone is putting their kids pictures on dating profiles, but what can you do abort it

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

If cracked phone screens are an Ick, swipe left. I dont even have a case for mine Im so unhinged.

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

@adamgcomedy Sure there is porn on reddit. But theres also columbo fan theories. You know where I'll be.

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

So many friends say call me when youre feeling down, but when you call them, they dont answer.

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

I know shitty people whose smoking crack wasnt even one of their rock bottoms.

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

@WellsFaygo Wow. Attacked by a neolib who has never seen Enter the Dragon

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

@brettmercer_ Youre so 2000 and late

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

My wife wants to start getting into True Crime and as a sociopath I am delighted! But as a man who needs a Netflix credit Im even more excited!

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

@deviled_eggs_ Man if I was in a groupchat...

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

"THATS NOT OUTLAW COUNTRY! IM OUTLAW COUNTRY I SNORT GASOLINE!"

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

HELP! Im in an X Files spiral! Started ep 1 again and have already asked David Duchovny to fuck me sideways. Pleae advise

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

"Someday poor people are gonnna rise up and take whats theirs" - Tracy Chapman. Also me since I got laid off

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

@MollyPaysBills Both!

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

I (38M) just found out about the Dead Kennedys. Help me reddit!

[Josh O'Neill, From Standup @JoshOatmeal]

Scrooge: You there! What day is it?!

Street Urchin: Valentine’s Day, sir!

Scrooge: I haven’t missed it! Take this money! Go down to Hustler and get me the biggest tube of lube you’ve ever seen

Street Urchin: The one in the window?

Scrooge: The very same!

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

Some nerd just tried to call me stupid and said I had a "smooth brain." Im not the smartest guy in the world but how did he know about my botox injections?!

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

@DJrudeboii Whats name Big Daddi can you pleasure me with the money first

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

Discover 3 times the limit

[JonBidet Ramsey @JonHolmesLives]

Look thru me with your third eye