Jordan Stoner

[𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧★ @olivvrszn]

Corporate life is realizing your job requires more emotional regulation than technical skill

[Eric Johnsen @ericjdesigns]

Family Guy recently made a Civil War version of "Who's on First" that had me crying laughing. It had no business being that good.

[Casey Lawrence @LeanandCuisine]

Peter Parkers coworkers when he first started submitting photos at the Daily Bugle 📷

[just matt @questionableway]

driving back to chicago, in unscenic indiana, morale at its nadir, fatigue taking hold. then bam. central time. a whole hour of your life back. just the invigoration you need to get thru the drive

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

I wonder if the guy who came up with the phrase "One hit wonder" ever come up with any other phrases?

[Boring_Business @BoringBiz_]

Every single person you meet in your daily life is fighting a hidden battle that you know nothing about

Send them a Zoom meeting link for an 8 AM call on Monday morning to finish them off

[肉魂菩薩 @anrxcangel1997]

lift ten times your weight. voraciously consume sugary liquids. kill anyone who doesnt smell like you. ant mode.

[Thorne 🌸 @ExistentialEnso]

You Can Eat Anything

(by tommcgovern27 on IG)

[Liste @endliste]

Just found out about recency bias. Maybe the most important bias ever

[Jordan Stoner @JordanStoner89]

@jakequery I no longer have feelings towards them. They could leave Indy and not sure I’d care.

[Paul Schofield @pschofie79]

You look poor. The $2,000 mechanical birds are over there.

[hailey beaux¹³ 𓉸ྀི @hattrickhailey]

ALL OF CHICAGO NEEDS TO LOCK IN NOW. WE MUST MAKE A SACRIFICE TO LAKE MICHIGAN. PUT A ROSARY AROUND THE BEAN. PRAYER CIRCLE AT EVERY PORTILLOS IN THE CITY.

[cosmic cowgirl 🪩🤠 @blockhim2026]

Do NOT let Kelly Clarkson into the theater section of a Chuck E. Cheese

[Rafa Nieves @mlb_agent]

I asked Jose why he was laughing here, and he said he knew the pitch coming was a changeup and Adell could rollover, and hit a ground ball to the left side of the infield, so he took off to 3rd hoping he would pull Junior and Walls to the bases and open a hole in the infield 🥴

[cosmic cowgirl 🪩🤠 @blockhim2026]

Date idea: we drive to Brooklyn, find a small business home goods store and attempt to buy a $15,000 animatronic bird

[Cami @tajin_rim]

chicago marie illinois why is it 90 degrees when i am trying to make SOUP

[Jill Gutowitz @jillboard]

i hate gay halloween what do you mean you’re kelly clarkson and molly, a one-of-a-kind singing and dancing bird automaton who plays an important role in the magic shows at art of play that’s permanently attached to the wall and isn't for sale?

[mary @elaine_stritch]

every tweet I see about this Kelly Clarkson bird thing is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. everyone is on their A game

[Colin Diersing @cdiersing]

I won't be at rehearsals today Liz I'm busy trying to win my feud with a Brooklyn-based store that refused to sell me an animatronic bird for $15,000

[Rainforest Cafe @RainForest_Cafe]

We know it’s not Molly, but if you’re in the market for an animatronic bird, we know a guy 🐸