Jordan C

Buffalo-born and raised but without the nasal Ās...

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Do they realize that the "HOMES" acronym (the mnemonic that US elementary students learn to help them remember the names of the Great Lakes) has to change to "SHAME" if Lake Ontario supposedly is renamed Lake America? 🙄🙄🙄 #FoodForThought #GreatLakes

[Amelia @amelia_tweetz]

So let me get this straight…

We’re supposed to panic about falling behind China on AI like it’s some massive national emergency… but falling behind on high-speed rail, renewable energy, and even childhood nutrition is somehow totally fine?

Interesting priorities 👀

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Imagine having a daughter you call Ella.
You introduce her as such to everyone.
No one ever questions it.
But, one fateful day, an innocent question: "Is it short for anything...?"
Your child's eyes darken. "Gelatin," she says in a quiet, vengeful voice.
Legally. "Gelatin."

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Gotta love that old adage about #March... "In like a lion, out like a lamb..."
Must be because the beginning is a bit harsh, weather-wise, and the end is like a lamb because it's STILL SNOWING and, therefore, like a lamb's fluffy white wool???
🥲🥲🥲

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

The feminine urge to adorn yourself in sparkles on New Year's Eve; is it because you want some of the attention that everyone directs towards the ball, or because that's just how everyone else dresses for this holiday?

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

While in the midst of contended cats, you get to enjoy the relaxing phenomenon of something I like to call "purround sound." 🐱😍🐱

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Has anyone thought to ask Punxatawny Phil when this pandemic will be over...? Seems like a more important question than "how many more weeks of winter weather will we have?" 😅

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Obviously wore a green shirt because it's fun to be literal 😁
UB Green Your Commute Day [fall] 2019 is in progress!
Walked to South & now getting on the Stampede to North! It's a beautiful day to reduce your carbon footprint 😘
#UBGYCD2019 #GreenYourCommute

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Green jacket? ✔
Backpack & sneakers? ✔✔
UB Green Your Commute Day 2019? ✔✔✔
Walked to South & got on the Stampede to North! Feels good! I'll have to do this more now that the weather's finally warmed up!
#UB #GYCD19 #UBGYCD2019

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

#Bandits90s
If you play Bust A Move, I'll scream with delight 👏👏👏

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Getting over someone you were never really in a relationship with is not for the faint of heart, because you'll *actually* feel like fainting when they text you out of nowhere and it's like 😳😓😫 WHAT?!

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

An Ode to That Motorist
---
A glimmer!
A shine!
Something catches my eye--
"What is it?"
I wonder as you accelerate.
The sun hits the accessory
And I recoil.
Truck nuts.
Swinging.
How fragile
Is your masculinity?

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Winter is the voice on an infomercial that keeps heralding unnecessary additions and yelling, "But WAIT! There's MORE!"

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

When you get a haircut and clip your nails on the same day: MY KERATIN IS NO LONGER UNKEMPT. 💇‍♀️👐

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

@ThePiebrarian @KTHeaney Same!!!

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

@_AlexHirsch @MrConelrad

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

@jasminedlewis Honestly same. We used to go there all the time!

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Roomie 1 to roomie 2: "It's a Shiraz, so it's pretty dry. Do you like Shiraz?"
Me (interrupting because I can't ever let a good "pun-portunity" go): "YOU BET SHIRAZ I DO!"
😅🍷👌
#wine #punny #shiraz #wordplay
Lowkey extremely proud of this pun. 😅

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Life hack:
Buy Christmas M&Ms on sale.
Separate colors.
There. Now you have red ones for Valentine's Day and green ones for St. Patrick's Day.
You're welcome.

[Jordan C @JordanTheChen]

Hypothetical conversation:
"Do you have a Valentine?!"
"Never had one my entire life. Why start now?"