JD

[Maryam @hell_line0]

im still haunted by the memory of a woman who ordered orange syrup in her cappuccino, took a sip, scrunched her nose, and said "I don't know what I was thinking, but thank you anyways."

She sat there and drank the whole thing..i offered to make her something else, and she said, "I am living with the consequences."

[Barb Vermeir 🇬🇾🇬🇾🇬🇾 @hotgrippz]

I’ll quit smoking if they invent another activity that lets me leave a group and go stand outside on my own for 5-10 minutes

[uke creature🇵🇸🚩 @UkeCreature]

when you slip a little in the shower and you know you died in your original reality but the quantum immortality kicked in so it's chill

[ຸ @fvckfemi_]

that awkward moment when that one weirdly specific moment u saw in a dream weeks ago is playing out right in front of you

[JD @Jordanne8501]

@funkyspokes @badomensdove It’s ironic how you didn’t believe women in the first place, and you still don’t believe them now just for you to turn around and say that you’re actually emphasizing whilst calling her an Afab and women magical moon creatures?

[mrs mind freak @quiet_homeboy]

Once, while sitting in a GP clinic, I overheard a baby say “goo goo ga ga”, and the mother reply: “Well. That’s very stereotypical of you.”

[JD @Jordanne8501]

Fairs

[JD @Jordanne8501]

I’m not coming out my house. I’m just not

[corb @awshuqs]

did you guys just feel that? i turned my swag on

[, @w0a0i0f]

you’d never be able to tell now but years ago i was like… severely addicted to opening the door for guys and being like “ladies first” as they stepped in

[JD @Jordanne8501]

#NewProfilePic

[JD @Jordanne8501]

#NewProfilePic

[haycab @haylgnar]

@spazminal Human girls can be silly too

[Neo @NeoWokio]

me trying to find the HDMI port on my TV

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

i don't know how to flirt, I told her she's a pillar of the community

[ɳყαɦ! @JINKIESBTCH]

i hope every nigga that used to flip their eyelids in school is behind bars

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

@HoesLuvTravis

[cay @koralinadean]

the crocs skeptic to crocs enthusiast pipeline after u get them is actually so real

[Debbie Mia @ Likely a Nap @TheDebbieMia]

They found the cause of SIDS
THEY FOUND THE CAUSE OF SIDS

Excuse me while I cry for all the parents, including lead researcher Dr Carmel Harrington, who lived with guilt. And cry happy tears for parents in the future who will have access to screening and prevention. 😭