Julia Celley

ENTP synesthete artist & comedian w/an unused biochem degree & no major debt nor savings. Writer/Performer @GoatRodeoSketch @phitcomedy Darlings @GoodGoodComedy

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Recent Birthday? Imagine all of your visible pores are little mouths screaming, “I’d still fuck you.” #JuliasWordsofWisdom

#andTheyWereScreaming #skincaretips #skin #idfuckme #selfie #selcare #selfcaresaturday #pretty #screamingmouths #face #funny

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Haven’t seen any #hasselhoff #meltdown versions of this yet so here. Happy #2020. Try not to die.

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

This is just the top. My legs are sexy as hell right now.

#essentialerrandchic #stayhome #steppingout #instyle #covid19 #coronavirus #fashion

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

This quarantine is probably the closest I’ll get to being on #theCircle.

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE.
DON’T NOT WASH YOUR HANDS.
DON’T GO VIRAL.
DON’T GO ANYWHERE.
#juliaswordsofwisdom
#Covid_19 #coronavirus #CoronaOutbreak #dontTouchYourFace #washyourdamnhands

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

I am going to report every single Bloomberg ad that I see.
#FuckBillionaires
#FuckBloomberg
#Bernie2020

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Accidentally self-inflicted black eye? Your fragility & incompetence have finally combined to make you look like a total ~ Badass ~ Wear it with pride. #juliaswordsofwisdom
#blackeye #inspire

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Sick? Responsible enough to go out & get your shit done? Irresponsible enough to go out & get your shit done? Conceal your leaking face with a big beautiful scarf.

#juliaswordsofwisdom
#helpfuladvice
#Influenza
#coveryourfuckingface

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Hungover? Still drunk? Take advantage of 1 out of the 3 days of the year when it’s ok to puke on the street. Go for that jog.
#juliaswordsofwisdom
#hungover
#stilldrunk
#happynewyear2020
#newyearnewyou
#funnyadvice

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

What iconic Robert De Niro character are you?
#whatpokemonareyou
#whatrobertdenirocharacterareyou
#pokemon #robertdeniro #instagram

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

@shadykadry_lol I’m not the news. Look it up.

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Let us toast to an impeachment. But remember, shit’s still fucked & Pence doesn’t believe in evolution.
#ImpeachmentDay #TrumpImpeachment

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

@Paulcowderoy I know. That’s why shit’s still fucked.

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

@YlwHammer17 @peta Yea. Milk does a body good.

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

@Teeka_Masala Yup. That’s part of why shit’s still fucked.

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Resolution #1.
Make a mouse trap that the mice can call home.

Resolution #2.
Create my own rat king.

Resolution #3.
Train the rat king.

#NewYearsResolution

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

Eat until it hurts.
Then eat a little more.
Retreat to the living room.
Die on the floor.
#happyholidays
#juliaswordsofwisdom

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

#juliaswordsofwisdom
#dailyinspiration
#eggnog

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

#WinterIsHere
#winterfashion
#burrito
#vogue

[Julia Celley @JuliaCelley]

#LifeHacks #oversizedscarf