Julie Kraut

Writer, yo! Useless Celebrity History. Odd Mom Out. Hot Mess. Slept Away. (I don't normally say yo. Did that come off ok?)

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Happy WryDay from me and @WryTimes https://t.co/UBe8s5sXLx

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

@allyb99 @mcsweeneys Aw! Love hearing that. Thanks!

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

A pretty personal thing I wrote on fertility got pubbed @mcsweeneys Like, share, be offended! https://t.co/bPeFvhrDh2

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

@PessOpti It was good! Five stars!!!

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Not to make Mother’s Day about me but I just made thousand island dressing...but instead of ketchup, used BBQ sauce!!!!

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

#UselessCelebrityHistory with @Adaripp premiers today on @quibi! Super, super proud to be a part of this writing team...and making all of your days more useless.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Not just wearing a bra, but it matches my sweatpants! #quarantineblacktie

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

You know when you meet a new man and think he might be gay, but also could have a thing for you and then you get to know him and realize he's straight and has no feelings for you and you're embarrassed even though no one knows what you're thinking? Miss that during quarantine.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

People who still know what day quarantine they're on: I am sincerely impressed!

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Do me a favor and after I clean the toilet, no one use it. Ever again.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Is there a quick way to convert all of my retirement savings into groceries? Doing it piece by piece is super time-consuming.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

IDEA: Big brother/big sister program where people with generalized anxiety mentor people with pandemic specific anxiety. We'd teach you stuff like new ways to pick your nail beds, how to cry while working out, and binge eating things you never before thought were edible!

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Quarantine has revealed a lot about humans as a species. Like, had no idea so many people thought they could make dance videos that go viral.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Started doing my on demand workout five minutes into the video because I figured, in real life, I'd probably be late to the class. And consistency's so important right now.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

BREAKING: Just found out that eavesdropping on a neighbor explain Zoom to a parent is my life's passion.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Can someone just tell me...what is TikToc?

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

I always thought Oregon Trail sucked as a game. Now I think Oregon Trail sucks as real life.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

I need to be straight with you. I'm not that interested in your quarantine name.

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

@iOddOne Trick question. There is no such thing as expired expired with jerky!

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Anyone have recipe ideas for my pantry staples: 2 RX Bars (blueberry) and 3 bags of turkey jerky (expired).

[Julie Kraut @JulieKraut]

Hand sanitizer seltzer!!! Good idea or I haven't breathed fresh air in twelve days?