Saralynn Rose

I tend to be bad, but only on the outside. My insides are filled with rich buttery goodness. Snap- yes, you can stalk me there too.

[Saralynn Rose @JustUnstableMe]

Everyone is all engrossed in politics and I’m just over here reminiscing about that one time I kicked a potato out of my sister’s hand like a mother fucking ninja!

[Marcy G @BunAndLeggings]

Me: [struggling with 4 kids at grocery store]
Lady: you have your hands full
Me: the little one is great with cats
Lady: what?
Me: you can take one
Lady: *nervous laugh*
Me: they love old people
Lady: *walking away*
Me: take one, please!

[Kanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz]

Don’t bite the hand that gives you oral

[Saralynn Rose @JustUnstableMe]

I’ve been meaning to text you for like 7 or 8 years...

Sorry, I got busy.

[Scrappy Sue @scrappy_momma]

What's it mean when you wake up at 1 in the morning overcome with a strong desire for Nerds candy?

[Ellice @ElliceRocks]

Bitch, learn your knots and oil your chainsaw next time.

You're making us look bad.

[Casey Duncan @caseytduncan]

I see you noticed my dominant butt cheek.

[Areola Grande @uhhhhhoksure]

No, I do not sell my nudes. You’ll have to get them the old fashioned way by pretending to like me.

[Mac Dickson @MacDicksonShow]

I was just explaining to my favorite chair why I don’t need friends

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

If I say “Sorry, I don’t make the rules” there is a 100% chance I just made up a rule.

[Scrappy Sue @scrappy_momma]

Wanna hear something funny? Well keep scrolling right past me then.

[Janie BLM Goode @2browneyedboys]

me: it’s our third date, you know what this means

him: *confidently* I think I do

me: *saves his number in my contacts*

[Ellice @ElliceRocks]

I'm sorry I broke your nose with my Skelator action figure.

[Ellice @ElliceRocks]

Oh, you're having a house party?
Should I bring extra clothes?
Can I bring my trumpet?
Is an evening gown "too much"?
Will there be corn dogs?
How many vases can I break?
Is puking a no-no?
OMW!

[Ellice @ElliceRocks]

I'm sorry I vacuumed your hair while you were sleeping.

[Ellice @ElliceRocks]

If I squeeze my buttcheeks together hard enough, I can hate you forever.