Kelvin.M🇰🇪

entertainment & music lover....
Dj for passion accountant by profession
Simplicity describes me

[Arsenal @Arsenal]

Goals galore in East Anglia 🙌

Watch the highlights from our Carabao Cup win 🍿

[Arsenal @Arsenal]

A penalty save to marvel at 🤯

[Premier League @premierleague]

Two minutes and one second of pure DRAMA 😱

🔴 @Arsenal

[Arsenal @Arsenal]

DAVID RAYA.

[Kelvin.M🇰🇪 @KMkevo]

@davmwai @jmuragengunjiri Uko which continent?

[David Leavitt 🎲🎮🧙‍♂️🌈 @DavidLeavitt]

Look what they took away from us 😞

[nacho con O @NachoConO]

cuando aparecieron los niños de Uganda a los que Shakira invitó a bailar en el show del medio tiempo del mundial, sí les cumplió😭❤️

[Kelvin.M🇰🇪 @KMkevo]

@amerix Key word, start...

[Sholla Ard 🇰🇪 @sholard_mancity]

🚨 JUST IN: KRA has officially changed the deadlines for filing annual tax returns in Kenya.

Millions of Kenyans will now have different filing dates depending on their tax status.

📌 New deadlines:

• Nil Returns (no taxable income): By January 31

• Salaried employees (PAYE only): By April 30. Most returns will be pre-filled on iTax - simply verify and submit.

• Businesses & taxpayers with other income (side hustles, consultancy, rental income, etc.): June 30 remains the deadline.

This replaces the old system, where almost everyone filed by June 30.

Please read, save, and share so your family and friends don't miss the new deadlines and end up paying unnecessary penalties. Adios.

[Lammie_Art @Lammie_Art01]

HOME REMEDIES NOBODY WILL TELL YOU!

1. Sore Throat - Keep a small piece of ginger in your mouth - - burning stops in 30 seconds.

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

Juliette Awata was last weekend left seeing with her mouth wide open after son of Adonija by the name Allan Ochieng abandoned her with a KSh 10,000 bill at Sarit Centre Rooftop. Abebo says Allan was one of her most loyal Facebook followers. Every time she posted a photo, whether it was a selfie, a sunset, or a plate of ugali, Allan would be the first to react with fire emojis and comments like "Jaber, A gal toto, fine nyash".

Over time, she promoted him from a random follower to online bestie without consulting the board of directors,, her girls circle. The two had only communicated through DMs until last Sunday when Son of Adonija invited her for drinks at Sarit Rooftop.

Upon arrival, she found Allan already several kilometers ahead in the race against sobriety, with Kanamba Special parked majestically on the table. Feeling that destiny had finally remembered her address, Abebo ordered cocktails, cheese fries, and a few shots of yagabom.

As they chatted, Allan kept receiving mysterious calls. He would step outside, return after a few minutes, then whisper to Abebo that he's handling an international consignment issue in the UK. Immediately, Abebo's brain opened Excel.

She had already allocated herself an iPhone 17 Pro Max, a vacation in Diani, and a plot maguta maguta in Kitengela from profits she had not yet seen. Little did she know the only international organization involved was (UK) United Karachwonyo Savings and Credit Association.

Then another call came in. This time Allan stood up, adjusted his shirt, checked his phone, and vanished into thin air. Abebo remained at the rooftop taking selfies and posting captions such as “Small girl with a Big God 🙏.” Minutes became hours. Allan was nowhere to be seen.

Calls went unanswered. Messages showed one tick. The profile picture disappeared. Reality arrived shortly after when management politely informed her that the bill had been registered under her table and that the Ministry of Hope and Faith would not be settling it.

Sources say she was escorted to the cashier's area where she briefly became a shareholder in stress. With no options left, she launched an emergency WhatsApp fundraiser faster than commercial activists during protests.

Friends, relatives, former classmates, and two mumus who wanted to access her lower openings came through. Within minutes, the KSh 10,000 was raised and her freedom secured. She has since posted Allan's photo online, warning fellow women that the man is more slippery than murenda.

However, Allan has now come out to defend himself. According to him, what was advertised online is not what was delivered physically. He claims filters, camera angles, ring lights, beauty apps, editing software, artificial intelligence & NASA satellite technology were involved in the marketing process.

Allan says he ordered beauty but what arrived was confidence. He further claimed that upon seeing her in person, he suffered trauma and lost interest, forcing him to execute what military experts are calling a tactical withdrawal.

Investigations are still ongoing, but relationship analysts have confirmed that the only thing successfully imported from the UK that night was premium heartbreak. Ni mbaya majama. Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

[CPA Wachira Joseph @WashiraX]

KRA wants a share of money your wife sends you.

There is a guy called Kamau.

When it was time to buy his wife, he paid dowry north of 8 million shillings.

It was the most grand ruracio.
For the rest of the year, the lady became the talk and song of Gatundu South. Furaha ribo ribo karibu imalize bibi.

Out of joyful fury for her husband, she decided to take revenge.

She called Kamau. Violently. Akajishika kiuno. Pointed at her phone. Akamwambia, key in your account number here.
Kamau, thinking his wife was playing games, keyed it in.

A few seconds later. His phone whistled. 10 million shillings has landed in his account. Cash money.

Kamau could not believe it. Bibi anakupatia aje pesa? Aje? Kwani ni makosa gani anajaribu kuficha?

He thought he was dreaming. He pinched himself to see whether he would wake up. He did not wake up. The money was real.

• Lesson 1: Pay your wife's dowry. I will not teach you everything.

I have no clue how KRA sensed it. But sometime later, Kamau was selected for a tax audit.

KRA went straight for his bank statements. They found the deposits of 10 million shillings.

Immediately, they baptized the entire amount as undeclared taxable income.

Then demanded: 30% income tax. Plus penalties and interests.

- Total bill: 3 million shillings plus.

When Kamau saw the tax bill, he thought his magnifying spectacles had been hacked to magnify the numbers. He removed them. He saw the same mad numbers live live. He went nuts.

When he returned to the real world. He shipped a protest letter to KRA.

He explained that the sender was his wife.

He explained that the money consisted of soft loans, financial assistance and funding from her.

He explained that he had not sold anything to her.

He explained that the money was not payment for any goods or services.

He even attached a sworn affidavit from his wife confirming all of it.

But KRA could not hear any of it. They only wanted 3 million.

When Kamau saw KRA was not playing, he ran to court.

He told the Tribunal judges:
- My Lords, I have explained my relationship with the sender.
- I have explained the nature of the money.
- I have attached sworn affidavits.
- What more does KRA want from me?

KRA responded.
And claimed Kamau had never submitted any affidavits.

Kamau calmly produced his correspondence with KRA. The affidavit was there. Duly received by KRA.

The whole court room went dead silent.

The judges looked at the documents.

Then turned to Kamau and ruled:

- Kamau had discharged his burden of proof in full.

- He had provided both documentary, accounting and explanatory evidence regarding his bank deposits.

-It found that KRA had acted unreasonably by ignoring and disregarding that evidence.

- And most importantly: Income tax is a tax on income. It is not a tax on anything else. Such as financial assistance between spouses.

The 3 million tax demand was killed.

Kamau won.

• Lesson 2.

- Not every bank deposit is taxable income.
- Document everything.
- KRA will push. Push back hard.

[NDABARASA 👽 @YuhiWambere]

He will remember this moment with his dad forever 🥹❤️

[CPA Wachira Joseph @WashiraX]

KRA wants a share of dowry money.

There is a guy called Kamau.

When it was time to buy his wife, he mobilized his most monied buddies.

He put them in a WhatsApp group. The fundraising began.

Those boys were loaded. They were only 35.
By by the time they were done, they had contributed 4.5 million shillings.

Others who were not in the group wired money directly to Kamau's bank account.

The ruracio D-Day arrived.

And as always, the one and only Kikuyu ruracio anthem was tuned.

🎶 Wero... Werokamu guku kwa wa Kanini... Werokamu... 🎶

Before they could finish the song, more than 2,000 people had pulled up.

Wakaanza kutoa funjo. Then one man stood on a stool and announced they could not sit until they had given Kamau top up money to add to the dowry.

The donation book was hurriedly brought. People lined up. Cash started flowing.

By the end of the day, another 2.8 million shillings had been raised.

Kamau took the money and banked it.

Total dowry contribution sitting at his bank account: 8m shillings.

The ceremony became the talk of Gatundu South.

Kamau paid his dowry. Collected his wife. And went home peacefully.

• Lesson 1. Monied friends are good for paying dowry.

I have no clue how. But sometime later, Kamau was marked for a KRA tax audit.

KRA went straight for his bank statements. They found deposits of 8 million shillings.

Immediately, they baptized the entire amount as undeclared taxable income.

Then demanded: 30% income tax. Penalties plus interest.

Total bill: 2.5 million shillings plus.

When Kamau saw the tax bill, he went mad.
He could try to talk but words would not come out. He nearly swallowed his tongue.

When he came back to real life. He shipped a protest letter to KRA.

He explained the money was dowry contribution from his family, friends and well wishers.

- He produced WhatsApp group fundraising screenshots.
- He produced RTGS confirmations.
- He produced the donation book.
- He even produced videos of the ceremony.

Including footage of the Werokamu song.

KRA could not hear any of it. They only wanted 2.5 million.

When Kamau realized KRA was not playing, he ran to court.

He told the Tribunal:

- My lord, look. I have shown KRA where the money came from.
- I have shown KRA who contributed it.
- I have shown KRA the ceremony.
- What more do they want from me?

KRA responded.
And what they said nearly made the judges fall off their chairs.

They argued the evidence was not convincing.

Why?

• Because the 2,000 plus donors had not sworn affidavits confirming that the money they gave was a donation and not payment for goods or services.

The Tribunal looked at the matter in amusement.

Then ruled.

- Kamau had discharged his burden of proof in full.
- KRA had acted unreasonably by ignoring and disregarding the substantial evidence he provided.
- And most importantly: Income tax is a tax on income. It is not a tax on every deposit appearing in a bank account.

The Tribunal found that KRA was wrong to treat all bank deposits as taxable income without first removing proven non income items such as dowry contributions.

The tax demand was killed.

Kamau won.

KRA retreated to Times Tower. And rested.

Case closed.

• Lesson 2.

- Document everything.

- KRA will push. Push hard.

[Bahari Motors 🇰🇪 @BenardMakumbi_]

My sister is still in hospital na bill inapanda daily she's doing much better now, lakini bill imetulemea so we are reaching out to you for financial assistance any amount no matter how small will be greatly appreciated.
MPESA 0720992286 then forward the msgs to me on 0729233495

[Arsenal @Arsenal]

In all its glory 🏆

[SuperSport Football ⚽️ @SSFootball]

𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏆

A trophy lift 22 years in the making 🥳🎉

#SSFootball | #SSPremierLeague | #CRYARS

[✨️🖤President Law🐐👑 @lePrezidente11]

Been married for 10 years listen to what made that marriage work 🙂

[Gichuki Kahome @kahome_steve]

Most Kenyans keep their savings in a money market fund and call it "investing."

There's nothing wrong with that, but if you want real wealth building, you need to own a piece of Kenyan businesses.

Here's how to build a serious stock portfolio on the Nairobi Securities Exchange. 🧵

[CPA Wachira Joseph @WashiraX]

Finance Bill 2026 is asking for permission to kill local businesses.

Right now, if your company makes profits, you can choose to:

• Reinvest profits back to business
• Or distribute it as dividends to shareholders

Finance Bill 2026 wants that removed. And be replaced by one hard rule. That,

• At least 60% of your profits can be treated as dividends by KRA. Even if you did NOT distribute anything.

“At least” means minimum.

KRA can push it to: 70%, 80% even 90% if they don't like you.

Read that again.

Meaning:

• If you reinvest all your profits in your business, KRA will says:

- Noo. At least 60% must be distributed to shareholders. And since you didn’t, we will assume you did, and demand dividend tax from you.

As a result:
• You are taxed on money you never paid out
• 5%–15% withholding tax on “deemed” dividends

Who is in cooked?
• SMEs reinvesting profits to expand
• Manufacturing businesses expanding
• Real estate firms with paper profits but no cash

Who is safe?
• SEZ companies
• NIFC companies
• REITs
Because their dividends are already exempt.

But for everyone else, this is a forced dividend rule.

The govt is no longer waiting for you to run your business. They want KRA to run it for you.

Is this fair taxation? Or forced extraction?