Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy

not so basic 🙋🏻‍♀️instagram:@kaitkomedy

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

I've thought about going to AA but honestly I need way too much attention to remain anonymous

[Jessica Kirson @JessicaKirson]

A man just went off on me at the airport thinking because I’m a woman, I would back down. You should have seen the look on his face when I ripped him a new one. Be careful who you f*ck with these days. Some of us have a lot of childhood trauma and recently gave up carbs.

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

There is a rooster somewhere in my neighborhood and I hear it cock-a-doodle-doing everyone morning.

This is the closest I’ve come to cock in months.

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

Amber Heard has helped me feel much better about the time I peed in a guys bed (accidentally)

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

I haven’t been home for 24 hours and my dad is already talking about password problems

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

I needed to get grounded🧘🏻‍♀️….so I moved into my parents basement

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

I started watching a movie without subtitles and I have no idea what’s going on

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

I can’t wait to be a mom.
Which is why I can’t find a husband

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

Russia invaded Ukraine…
all I gotta say is keep your friends close and your klonopin closer

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

@rileylassin Oh my god.

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

BRB taking the day to teach myself about WW1 and WW2 to prepare for WW3

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

@mingle74 Luckily he didn’t say that. He shut up and realized he was wrong 😎

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

Watching Half Time 2022 with my dad and Mary J Blige comes on

Dad: she’s gained some weight huh?

Me: 50 cent did and you didn’t say anything about him 😒

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

I needed to get more grounded….so I moved into my parents basement

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

Looking for a therapist with cheap insurance is like shopping with my mom as a teenager.

I keep finding something/someone I like that will be a good fit but then my mom/insurance is like
“Ohhhh no way I’m paying for that. Find something/someone else”

[maggie lalley @magslals]

Twitter is the least toxic social media app because everyone’s willing to admit how poorly they’re doing

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

Can ‘t wait to see what makes me depressed this year!

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

My friend just told me she cries every year on New Years bc it’s so emotional.
Meanwhile my thoughts are usually like “I gotta get a new calendar”

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

2021 was a 2 faced bitch

[Kaitlyn 👾 Murphy @KaitKomedy]

Thinking back on 2021 and the best way to describe is a 2 faced bitch