Kandace Kuotes

A glimpse into the mind of Kandace.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Oatmeal tastes like an old person's sticky mouth.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

"You know how there are 7 deadly sins in the world? Well, I just created the 8th"

-Kandace as she finishes icing a batch of cinnamon rolls

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

If you have to put frosting on your brownie to make it taste better then you have made brownies wrong

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Men have it nice because they can pee where ever they want...except in the toilet when it's dark.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Gifs man... When used properly they can change the world.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

I hate when you blow your nose and smell your own boogers.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Pregnancy glow? No, that is just light reflecting off my oily skin.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

If I wake up with massive amounts of drool around my mouth, you know I slept real good

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Why would I eat bran flakes? I might as well rip up cardboard in milk.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

When I'm an old lady I want to go on America's Got Talent and play an electric guitar like a BA.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Would you like to see your grandma naked?!

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

I see naked people all day. And they aren't nice naked people. They are all old people

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

What'd you say, Willis?! #differentstroke

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

I have sexy hands and I know it

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Why do we only take fingerprints and not toeprints?

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

If God isn't a Broncos fan, then why did he make papayas orange?

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

You let the dog lick your whole face but you won't let me lick your face?! #privileged

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Someday when we're rich, we'll buy football pads and run into each other for fun.

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

Do you want to see what a fat pad looks like?

[Kandace Kuotes @KandaceKuotes]

That bagel hit the spot. Right in my gastric pits.