adele dazeem

Amateur viral tweeter, professional schmuck.

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

someone to slap you in the forehead like in V8 commercials but for every selfie sunday you post

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

@BenSchumitz I’ve heard good things about substack! Maybe that’s the move 👀
Plus long-form content where I’m free to ramble for more than 140 characters? A dream

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

Getting back on an app that most (if not all) my friends have abandoned feels what I imagine to be equivalent to re-emerging from a basement bunker after many years — alien and now my back hurts.

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

*tap* *tap* *tap* is this thing on?

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

me after begging my friends to take my pictures

[megan @chismosavirus]

sometimes a sandwich with pesto in it is enough to stop the voices

[farah mynaf ☾ @farahmynaf]

i’ll screenshot anything, i’m a historian

[LU!S @andynofun]

A relationship should be 50/50. You’re 50 and I’m 50 and we’re happy and we have a really cool vegetable garden

[kush @kushd_]

when i say ive got that dog in me, this is what i mean

[trish @ultragloss]

me for no reason between my 4th and 5th vodka cran

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

Can I report my algorithm for harassment?

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

The amount of Girl Scout Thin Mints I have housed in the last 24 hrs has given me unbelievable heartburn but yet I feel so alive?

[pj @pjayevans]

Hey just saw you left your phone number in my high school yearbook. What’s up

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

@dbur023 He sounds like he has a future career in law if you ask me. What a negotiator!

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

Sometimes you gotta cut loose and have a ginger ale even though you’re not on a plane

[trash jones @jzux]

the american healthcare system is actually perfect if you’re a healthy person with no teeth or eyes

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Gonna start a bar where people can eat handfuls of shredded cheese over the kitchen sink, in a social way

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

the saddest thing is when you visit a city that’s not new york or chicago and they’re like “we also have a distinctive pizza style!”

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

Turning 27 and already feeling like my best sugar baby years are behind me :(

[chlobuchar @me_im_chloe]

Apparently hot water freezes faster than cold water and in a way that’s the last straw for me

[adele dazeem @KaylaButOnline]

@CaucasianJames @heyo_its_mario idk this just has your energy