Kay

I'm just here to amuse and be amuse bouched.

[Kay @KaysNH]

I should write a bible. It would say:
Be nice when you can.
Be a dick when you must.
And when in doubt, mind your own fucking business.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

I was explaining to someone that my dog likes grilled chicken with a pure pumpkin reduction for breakfast and they took a swing at me.

[Paul Lander @paul_lander]

DC bar committee hearing recommends Rudy Giuliani get disbarred. Rudy says he’s gonna appeal it all the way up to the parking lot at the Supreme Courtyards at Marriott.

[All In with Chris Hayes @allinwithchris]

.@chrislhayes: "You'd think this would be a pretty open and shut case at this point, but today the indicted ex-president offered a 12-point refutation of the recording."

[Paul Newman @JasonKingHQ]

Other half's a teacher, in a school of about 100 teachers. They usually have 3 or 4 leave at the end of each year. Yesterday she found out 26 are leaving. They've had enough.

[Joseph Weber @JoeOCBarrister]

In my opinion, the best tweet about Trump ever written:
@acitrano

[Al Cappuccino…☕️🇮🇹 @AlCappuccinoIT]

I did my own research by looking at expert opinions on vaccination, and I concluded that Joe Rogan is a college drop-out with nothing valuable to say on the matter.

[Morissa Schwartz 📚 (Dr. Rissy) @MorissaSchwartz]

How!? https://t.co/nu2oLz9xqH

[Nate Postlethwait @nate_postlethwt]

Don’t call it “tough love” when someone has to heal from it. That was abuse disguised as tough love.

[Rev. Benjamin Cremer @Brcremer]

Imagine claiming that a few Bible verses on human sexuality are literal divine commands from God for all of society, all while claiming the +3,000 verses calling for the care of immigrants, the marginalized, the oppressed, and the poor should just be a personal choice.

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

[Signe Maene  is on Bluesky, Instagram & elsewhere @MaeneSigne]

'I found the poems in the fields,
And only wrote them down.'
-John Clare

🎨Andrea Kowch
#BookWormSat

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Her: That's a lot of mannequins.
Me: Let me introduce you to
Vera.

[ЯOB.G @TheReaIRobG]

They banned hot dogs at the office ever since i used them as drumsticks on susan's neck.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

nanu nanu

[🇨🇦🏒Canadian Beaver 🏒🇨🇦 @CanadianBeave13]

Just pulled up beside a guy at a red light who was blasting Unforgiven by Metallica and picking his nose. We made eye contact. I’m not okay.

[Melvin of York @MelvinofYork]

I was with my friend when he got pulled over and he said "just be cool" as if after a lifetime of trying I would suddenly figure it out then