Stap the Mattness

GOOD. GREAT. GRAND. WONDERFUL. EVERYBODY ON THE BUS

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Oh great, another day of Matt knows everything and everyone else is an idiot.

[| b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’s̶ name | @_maybe_not_ever]

i’m finding this year after year thing pretty tedious & have decided i no longer have time for it

[Spence @SpenceDen]

The invitation said "until: ?" I've been at this bbq for 6 years.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Headset on. Talking into my headset.
Coworker standing beside me awkwardly- “hey are you on a call?”

[Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer]

A simpler time, when only some of hell would break loose.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Bubly is interesting, they’ve got flavours like peach and orange, but the ingredients are carbonated water and “natural flavours”. Okay, so like peaches and oranges?

[Jenna SaysQuoi @jennasaysquoi]

sewing a quilt made out of nicotine patches

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

When basketball players flex both biceps after getting the ball in the net, like how heavy is that basketball? Must be pretty heavy.

[shushy ❄️🌻 @rachel2manypaws]

eating ice cream every time i want a smoke i’m swelling i’m swell things are going swell

[Marshall Scott @Marshall__Scott]

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face

[Trip Fontaine 🏁 @kindasketchyguy]

trying to turn feeling like I got hit by a truck into something positive

[LowBudgetMuthafucka @LowBudgetMofo]

Babe you keep knocking the drinks over with your puffy coat

[Chick Of It All 🐉 @20eyeDocs]

why the fuck does my furnace smell like Cocoa Puffs

[Buddawiggi @MarkBuckawicki]

Mom’s spaghetti, winter’s about to get heavy (putting on my snowsuit) you get me

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

My God, the weather outside IS frightful. It's all coming true.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Married couple out jogging together like their new year’s resolution is to get a divorce.

[Paige Kellerman @PaigeKellerman]

My vibe? Being on a fifth round of trying to scrub burnt food off a cookie sheet and slowly starting to give up on life and everything it has to offer.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

I called the sun out yesterday and this morning it came out so hard I couldn’t see a goddamn thing on the way to the office.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Wash a handful of multivitamins down with an ice cold pilsner. Ease into those resolutions.

[Sam G @ItsSamG]

I bought new winter boots not realizing what I would need was new rain boots

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

I haven’t seen the sun in 17 days, is that big shiny bitch on vacation?