Pasta Fazool

my tweets:

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

Chairs are pretty great.

You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

A snooze button, but for when someone is telling you a boring story

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Guys love 'side boob' but you'll never hear ladies talking about 'side sack.'

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

If you have a handle bar mustache, you should have to be able to lift those big round weights that say 500 pounds on them

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

Millions of peaches would be too many.

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

Which box do you click on indeed if you have a certificate in vcr repair?

[Benny 'Sensible Jeans' Rollins @citizenkawala]

Saving money by making my own Coke Zero in my bathtub.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

A shortcut worn through the grass. That's the will of the people.

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

I like to sit on my hand before biting my fingernails so it feels like a stranger’s hand.

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

You can usually get away with hugging 3 or 4 of the animals before you're kicked out of a petting zoo.

[Carmella Cannoli @piccolobutt]

Mustard stain on my shirt.
*Hotdog risks.

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

Dave Navarro does all his shopping at Spirit Halloween.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Maybe your baby is crying because you don't know when to use "affect" versus "effect."

[trash jones @jzux]

if you die in Microsoft excel you die in real life

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

You don’t have to get a gym membership if you have enough things around the house that need to be karate-chopped.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Inevitably, we discuss melon wrapped in prosciutto. I raise my hand. “Couldn’t we just throw the melon on the ground for ants to drag away?”

[Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning]

I think it’s crazy that we still call them midges in 2026. They prefer small bugs.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

I told my barber "Make me look sexy."

She started drinking.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

If it looks like a brain, it's good for your brain (e.g., cauliflower, walnuts, other brains).

[Benny 'Sensible Jeans' Rollins @citizenkawala]

I have no evidence for this but I think the pretty animals know that they're pretty.

[Jimbob @Jimbob10441721]

Not to brag but when i lie down i dont look fat at all.