Gleas

This is purple prose of myself

[Gleas @KeeSleeks]

Which Nobel prize did the first person to fry Mac & Cheese win?

[Carsley Golf @CarsleyGolf]

I possess the incredible ability to turn a birdie opportunity into a bogey

[n8 @wkeyholder]

how do i tell women at the bar that i don’t want to fuck i just want to be their boyfriend for 2 hours, make out and go home

[jonzing. @ehisssss]

i texted her, "how was your day today?" and she sent me a 7 minute voice note telling me everything..

and that basically sums up the kind of person i want by my side. stop normalizing disinterest.

[Malcolm Harris @BigMeanInternet]

Do other animals freak out when they see Victor Wembanyama? Like if a horse who's seen a ton of people sees him, the horse is gonna be like hey what the fuck, right?

[Alex Predhome, Track and Field Enjoyer @Predamame]

On Global Running Day, we come together to celebrate the true purpose of running:

being able to post about running.

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

not all of us were made to cook. some of us were made to have conversations with the person cooking.

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

“this too shall pass” and it gets worse

[Patches O’Houlihan @sondraa]

Does Paul Goldschmidt know we all say UNC STILL GOT IT anytime he does something productive

[A @seattleiminyou]

I love that nobody is dependent on me and I can do whatever I want all the time

[Chris @citehchris]

can you die from a lack of being called big dawg

[M @mackietayylor]

maybe the day had a shitty u

[Captain Obvious™️ @TheFungi669]

What kind of shitty country would deny student loan forgiveness but give January 6th rioters forgiveness and pay them $1.8 billion?

[Jim Gardner-Johnson @DatDudeJD]

BAR OWNER: “You’re OK at making drinks, but are you good at changing the channel on a TV?”

BARTENDER INTERVIEWEE: “I am the literal worst channel changer of all time.”

BAR OWNER: “You start tomorrow.”

[GraceLynn @FullOfGraceUS]

In Donald Trumps America, if you go to college, you get punished. If you smear feces on walls and have sex with children, you get millions of dollars.

We truly are the shithole of the world. America was great, before 2017.

[Jenni @hashjenni]

If the POTUS can make himself and his ENTIRE family immune from the IRS, why the fuck should any of US pay taxes from now on? Y'all aren't angry enough. 🗣️

[Soleil @soleiljolina]

Microdosing hell by being aware and literate

[Gleas @KeeSleeks]

Hey, @xcelenergy question. How many times do I have to sign up for automatic payment? Just wondering as a guy who's about to do it a third time in 15 months

[Gleas @KeeSleeks]

You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

[ً @artfuIchaos]

horny but like for a soul connection

[Gleas @KeeSleeks]

Voicemails to Isabelle looks so good