Kenneth Lard

Cheeky Keith. Up the Shrimpers. God save the King.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

Hearing that @HerbertBundy and @FrBundy will be imminently appointed as managerial team for England after Gareth Southgate's sacking.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@KeithNStella Up the Shrimpers Keith. See you at Woking in the week.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

Following the Shrimpers away yesterday with @KeithNStella. Smashed up some Dagenham youngerns fancy themselves hard men giving it the biggern. 2v10 all left on the ground, fled from old bill and disappeared back to Southend. Dagenham's a shithole. Keith and Keith unstoppable. Ta.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@brexitjohn442 @ladbible Couldn't be me. Don't love any of my kids and done 93 years on the tools.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

It is with great regret that we announce that Herbert Dahmer Shipman Nilsen Manson Suzie Bundy is officially expelled from the Brexit Battalion and stripped of all formal and ceremonial honours due to his conduct and comments regarding our late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

[Barry Rutherford @brexitnutterbaz]

Just seen this pic of me n Cheeky Keith back in ‘83. Simpeler times @KeithCheeky

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@ButchLorry @HerbertBundy @FrBundy Only ones welcome. Rest can piss off.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

Undeniable proof that Cheeky Keith is still a muscled stud at the age of 103. Making cunts moist since 1919.

[Hanna @hannsmi20]

@KeithCheeky Handsome

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

With the tragic disappearance of @mikesautosnelec I am coming out of retirement and taking my place back at head of the Lard Conglomerate legal and criminal enterprises.

Rumours of my death will cease and desist or @brexitjohn442 will be round to sort you out.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@hannsmi20 Cheers love.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

#NewProfilePic

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

DNA test has shown that I am the Father of Butch Lorrington. @ButchLorry sending you a fiver in birthday card. Cheers.

[Butch the Lorry Driver @ButchLorry]

@KeithCheeky @FrBundy I think the better question is, why did u walk out on us . . . DAD?

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@ButchLorry @FrBundy Probably true mate. Never supported any of my sperm. They don't deserve me but I'm proud of you son.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@mikesautosnelec and I are happy to announce a Lard Conglomerate PLC expansion; I have purchased the entirety of Canvey Island. Work will soon begin to flatten everything prior to an ambitious project to construct the Harper Lard Airport on the site with international flights.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@brexitnutterbaz If I see you flytipping in Southend Baz I'll slice your hammies and throw you in the sea. Stay out of my city.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@igoranov3 Been at it again after getting out the nick.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@AstridWett @igoranov3 exposed

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@ButchLorry @mikesautosnelec Welcome Brother Butch.

[Kenneth Lard @KeithCheeky]

@mikesautosnelec and I are pleased to announce that we are forming the independent Islamic Caliphate of Essex. We are uniting British Muslims and converting thousands by the day. I will serve as Sultan with Brother Michael as Emir. As-salamu alaykum Allahu akbar.