French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mostly harmless, allegedly sane. Only marrying for love, or possibly once more for money

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

Fuck: French Toast
Marry: Pancakes
Kill: Waffles

[🥀 Audree 🥀 @DarlinSincerest]

HEY! ITS IMPORTANT

Fuck, marry, kill:
waffles, pancakes, French toast

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

[SwiftOnSecurity @SwiftOnSecurity]

I admire IT people 20 years in who still run home labs. It's like coming home from the egg salad sandwich factory, hearing, "what do you want for dinner, honey?" And saying, "same thing we have every night: egg salad sandwiches."

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@goat_path @ForcePao Plus, uhhh, he wasn’t president in 1883

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@amyisquitebusy Perfect, no notes

[kelsie @iPad_Latino]

We had a really mean python at work and I gave him back to his owner and was like “he was trying to kill me” and his owner said “well, he only has so many ways to interact with the world. All he has is a face” and it Moved Me

[Maggie Johnson @MaggieLJohnson]

Let me correct my original tweet:

The last time Mizzou was ranked in the preseason AP poll was 2024 (after coming off an 11-2 record and NY6 bowl win)…

Before that… 2015. So yea, stop blindly liking tweets of people that clearly don’t know what they are talking about. It’s literally happened THREE times since joining the SEC and all three times came after 12 and 11 win seasons. 🙄

[Native American History @_nativeamerica]

Happy Birthday to Dr. Joe Medicine Crow, the last living Plains Indian War Chief and World War II veteran. He turned 102 years old on Tuesday..

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@_sysengineer That’s totally ducked up but yes it is funny

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@amyisquitebusy I freaking love the Barbie movie. Every time I watch it a new layer of humor is peeled

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

Working a minimum wage service industry job for the first time in 25+ years reminds me of one of the greatest joys in life. Showing up to a work detail as a SPC(P) and finding a SPC who thought he was in charge. Hehehehehehehe lol no m’fer you’re digging holes, I’M supervising

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@endofanerajc @LisaFenDragon The “body count” discourse is really weird. When I got married my wife’s was 10 times mine but I’d had way more sex than she had in my select long term relationships

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

Snrk… I got called in to help a site with a database issue, identified the script that was causing the issue, and on the zoom call opened it up and said “let’s see what idiot wrote this” aaaaaand it turns out it was me and I’d shared it with them years ago

[SwiftOnSecurity @SwiftOnSecurity]

One of the most privileged perspective things I have in my career, is working at a place for 10 years. Instead of blaming a rando doing something years ago, increasingly it was me.

A younger, naïve, idealistic me who thought some other sucker would be maintaining this by now.

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@SweatieAngle @sadreturns

[rekdt @rekdt]

Breaking, a Las Vegas casino confirmed Mythos assembled a crack team of 11 agents and it was able to extract over $160 million in cash held in a secure underground vault

Experts later confirmed Mythos did all this just to win back its ex-wife, Tess

[French Toast ⭐️⭐️⭐️ @KeithMoum]

@traderjoeslut We listen and we don’t judge

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

BOURDAIN: Alright so tell me what this is.
CITIZEN: This is apple pie. It is a classic American food.
BOURDAIN: Okay, so-- wait, what are you doing?
CITIZEN: I am adding a small scoop of ice cream.
BOURDAIN: [chuckling skeptically] All right. All right. Fuck it. Let's do this.

[Peter Lucier @PeterLucier]

We conduct our high holy day public religious ceremonies

[grace @gracefishlove]

Sorry about the mean things i said when i was right