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I Don't Do Dishes

[josh @joshypooper]

whoever has my voodoo doll lick the tip

[Ekkanss @ekkanss]

"Este trabajo me tiene vuelto loco"
Yo en el trabajo:

[TrollGod9000 💿 @TrollGod9000]

New hire asking the manager how lenient is the sexual harassment policy

[777 @_garrettcharles]

one thing I miss about COVID is you could dm celebrities and be like heyyy and they’d be like hey what’s up .. like they were that bored

[arnold_king🤴 @iamarnoldworld]

Okay he has 973 goals now sit now. 😂

[Lungi 🙂‍↕️ @Itss_Lungii]

I hate it sooooooooo much when people say “unemali ne” cause

1. It never comes from a good place

2. Anginayo, im just a reckless spender and being broke has never killed me so God forbid i like having a good time.

So i just say “yes, nginayo” and dead the chat.

[Thembisile Q II @ThembisileQ21]

Ei bafethu iinto zotywala. I got into a fight over the weekend and kept telling this girl to stop biting me as I bled but she was so drunk she didn't listen. Yes I have a suppressed viral load but I had to track her down and tell her about my HIV status so she could get PEP😭

[av glock🧩( -_•)╦̵̵̿╤─ @futonchill]

you should always smell nice cuz the first hole you penetrate is someone’s nostrils

[Pejuola| HR🗣️ @Pejuola_a]

Someone said he took an Excel beginner’s course online and 30 minutes into the class, he realized he had been lying on every job application about being an Excel expert 😂💔

[The1andonlydavidrixx @RixThereal99054]

Gay ass demon

[nanda @FlyMafernanda]

hoje aprendi um novo insulto no trabalho
"trabalhar com vc é como trabalhar sozinho, porém mais difícil"

[fiend! @foidfiend]

he who is hungry thinks of bread

[Zakiyah @ZakzR]

Was craving a pie so I ordered a pie but it wasn’t enough for the delivery minimum so I added random shit I don’t need.

Reader, they delivered everything except my pie 🫠

[Kim Burrell of Fujoshis @turnandstomp]

I’m about to show this to my psychiatrist and ask for this like I’m at the barbershop

[Lesilo Rula @kay_mahapa]

Taba ya Jonasi is bringing so much discourse onto my TL during the World Cup. A World Cup I waited 4 years for, getting outshined by skheberesh sa monna.

[𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚 ☢ @King_Sukunaaa]

It must be like finding a mermaid

[Lee (Greater) @shortmagsmle]

Accidentally re-inventing “thinking” from first principles

[Sabrina @DroverSabr54018]

I love the word “interesting” because it’s so chaotically neutral.

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

“Runaway brides” should be called “near Mrs.”

Thank you, this is why I have a PhD

[josh @joshypooper]

you’re laughing. i told you a joke and you’re laughing. i love you