Kent Border Patrol

"Nos non racist, sed." Proud enforcers of the Kent Access Permit system. Parody account, even though the permits aren't.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

OPERATION VORTIGERN IS NOW UNDERWAY!

We've partnered up with officers from a number of Scandinavian countries to help patrol our beautiful Kent border until we can recruit more Patrol Stars!

If you see a Volvo on the M20, don't forget to honk in friendship!

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Our own small fleet of 3 Type 31 Frigates is already out on patrol, so we're delighted to see that the Royal Navy will be getting some new ones themselves!

Here's the KBP Barnard Castle cruising down the Medway, earlier this week.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Great news for our colleagues in the Navy!

We look forward to storing the vital parts for these in our lorry parks (pending successful application for Kent Access Permits) for many years to come.

[Lucy Fisher @LOS_Fisher]

NEW: Boris Johnson announces plan to restore UK to "foremost naval power in Europe"

He confirms Royal Navy will acquire:
- 8x Type 26 & 5x Type 31 frigates
- New Type 32 frigates
- Multi-role research vessels
- Fleet Solid Support ships

Will "spur a renaissance" in shipbuilding

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Great news about the COVID vaccine!

We look forward to helping all those extra vaccine-filled lorries cross our new border in 2021.

Don't forget your Kent Access Passes, drivers! Or that Vacci-can will decay to a Vacci-can't!

[John Bull @garius]

~~~ the future ~~~

ME: So I've had this niggling cough and...
GP: No problem. Have these.
ME: Fish pills?
GP: Fish pills.
ME: Do you not have something less...
GP: What?
ME: Um... Fishy?
GP: Not since the Kent Border closed.
ME: Oh great
GP: Glass of Hake Juice?
ME: No, I'm fine

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

OUR BORDER REMAINS OPEN!

Why not come visit the Medway Trolley graveyard? Or the one good chip shop in Chatham?*

*No Londoners allowed now!**

**Remember! Kent Access Pass required!***

***Other paperwork may apply! Remember our handy paperwork mnemonic: MRNSSDATACEHCPCCCDKAP!

[Jennifer Williams @JenWilliams_FT]

Breaking: GM leaders told there will be no imminent decision announced to the house this morning in GM.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Truck drivers! Use our simple mnemonic to remember the paperwork you need!

MRNSSDATACEHCPCCCDKAP

[Lisa O'Carroll @lisaocarroll]

Dover to Calais drivers will need
- movement reference number for each product
- safety and security declaration
- ATA Carnet
- export health certificates
- phytosanitary certificates
-catch certificates documentation
- Kent access permit
(Logistics UK - transport sel comm)

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Truck drivers! A reminder that applying for a Kent Access Pass is SUPER easy:

1) We'll send you our master spreadsheet
2) You add your details to a new column
3) Send it back!

IT'S THAT EASY!

Only 16,384 permits are available! So apply now and don't miss out!

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

UPDATE: The Gunnersaurus has been apprehended.

Unfortunately, due to the lack of a valid Kent Pet Passport, we have been forced to put it down.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

BREAKING: Our Kent Border Stars are responding to reports of an unaccompanied Gunnersaurus crossing the Kent Border.

We recommend that kentizens in the border zone stay in their homes.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

BREAKING: Our Kent Border Stars are responding to reports of an unaccompanied Gunnersaurus crossing the Kent Border.

We recommend that kentizens in the border zone stay in their homes.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Truck drivers! A reminder that applying for a Kent Access Pass is SUPER easy:

1) We'll send you our master spreadsheet
2) You add your details to a new column
3) Send it back!

IT'S THAT EASY!

Only 16,384 permits are available! So apply now and don't miss out!

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

FUN FACT!

Kent has no extradition treaty with the EU.

In unrelated news, our Border Stars are set to welcome four members of the UK government on a surprise visit today!

[Tony Connelly @tconnellyRTE]

BREAKING: European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen will make a statement on Brexit at 11hr CET. @rtenews understands that legal action against the United Kingdom is imminent and that a draft "letter of formal notice" has been finalised, triggering legal action

[Matthew Kelly @mattkelly_uk]

Hope it doesn't come to this again once Kent has its own border.
@BorderKent @KentPatrol

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

@KentIndParty @porciacato We're pleased to be the force responsible for policing our shiny new border.

We are currently recruiting for our canine unit, the Kent Border Doggers if you fancy some night-time excitement!

[Kentish Independence Party @KentIndParty]

This will come to an abrupt halt when we put landmines on the border areas.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

@anneminta @RJLostInTime @markpalexander @KentIndParty For questions about Kentizen applications, we defer to the Kent Citizenship Service.

We CAN happily confirm that, if you're worried about visiting your family, you can buy a Friend of Kent pass for just £250, which will give you priority border access!

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Confused about our jurisdiction? Don't be!

Jon Worth has got your back in this excellent and informative thread.

(the Chatham Enclave and Sheppy DMZ and Tunbridge Independency are new developments, so we understand why he overlooked them)

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

🚨🚨🚨 MAUVE ALERT 🚨🚨🚨

We have received multiple reports of ramblers crossing the Kent Border from East Sussex this morning.

Please remember that packed lunches containing fresh fruit do require possession of a Kent Access Permit.

Our Patrol Stars are en route!

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Morning all! We're reopening applications for Kent Border Doggers. For some reason of the 247 people that initially applied, only two owned a dog.

Weird.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

Kentizens! Like night time adventures with your little friend?

We're recruiting for our new Kent Border Doggers scheme!

Help us punish naughty truck drivers and make their cheeky Essex co-conspirators squeal.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

This sounds more like something the people of Essex would do, frankly. Sorry, but we don't believe you.

[Kent Border Patrol @KentPatrol]

KENT FACT:

Kent has a historic reputation as the 'Garden of England'. In recognition of our agricultural past, our head of state is referred to as the:

"Kent Farmer in Chief"

He is also appointed an honorary colonel in both Kent Militias (The Men of Kent and Kentish Men).

[Hal Sandbach @HSandbach]

@KentPatrol @garius Immanuel Kent for first KPM!