Devan Konn

Collector of random knowledge, lover of life. Make the juice worth the squeeze & remember not all who wander are lost.

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

@daigosweden @hulu it’s a sad day when you lose a loyal customer of many years all b/c they updated their card info.

Single mom working 2 jobs, $4.99/month =$59.88.. that’s half my Xmas budget

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

It's called "celery" because "cold, wet plant bones" takes too long.

[audrey farnsworth @audipenny]

[god, creating ducks]

Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: What happened to your candy?

5-year-old: I split it evenly with my sisters.

Me: Go to your room. Now.

I'm not raising any communists.

[will defries @willdefries]

Can someone endorse me on LinkedIn for being really good at closing out of people's Snapchats before the next person's comes up, thx.

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

Hot sauce > Lucille 🍋👑🐝 #lemonade

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

@DaltonRapattoni dangg Dalton, back at it again w/ a killer performance! Can ur best fan make a request?..Kiss from a Rose, you'd nail it!💋

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

TAMU: your QB sucks, but he's cuteeee 😍#TexasForever #MusicCityBowl

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

"The yellow ones taste like Pine-Sol" - said every person ever about gummy bears and sour patch kids

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

@kendalljimmerso #mommydaygetaway 👯🏈❤️💙

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

Vote for my baby’s pic in the Gerber Baby 2015 Photo Search contest. https://t.co/zw6klgSKWC

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

Why I got you on my mind 🎤 #youthinkyouknowsomebody

[Jeff Wysaski @pleatedjeans]

Bailiff: Honorable Judge Matthew McConaughey presiding
[McConaughey enters]
all rise all rise all rise

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

The scariest costume I can think of is "regular guy who wants to play you wonderwall on a guitar" or invites you to two-step.

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

@PalmBeachTan 2nd time I've come to tan @ Ph City location & I can't. 😡 #inconvenient #nothappy #wastedlunchbreak

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

Not even 8am but I'm already excited for #mommysnightout to celebrate @kendalljimmerso [belated] bday! 🎉🎀🎂🎀#slumberparty #gonnamissmymonkey

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

THIS gives me life 😭

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

Colorado: I don't understand the Subaru obsession and the whole cottage cheese as a side thing..

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

Is it game day yet? ... #godawgs

[Devan Konn @KevanDonn]

If I never heard Black Widow again, it'd still be too soon 🙉