Abbi Crutchfield

Hulu, Comedy Central, truTV, NBC, CBS • I joke a lot. • Mastadon: • Bluesky:

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Grilled cheese is made by burning one side and then nervously undercooking the other.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@amythecutiee lol

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Nosferatu dares to ask the question: what if vampires weren’t hot?

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@RodLacroix Please retweet

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Happy Friday the 13th during the holiday season. Don’t worry; today Jason only murders people wearing ugly Christmas sweaters.

[Big Mama, your ARM! @AshleyShyMiller]

You know what? Feliz Navidad 😂😂😂

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@KevOnStage I have had Popeyes for so long, not only did I recognize this by the fries next to the shape of the chicken, but I also rode past a KFC and flashed back to my childhood.

[Kevín @KevOnStage]

If they delete Tik Tok how will we get Katt Williams as Obi Wan Kenobi?!

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@JheneHaiku @KevOnStage Literally what I did 😭

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@KevOnStage I laughed until I covered my eyes with both hands. Shew

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@django When you’re done with those check out I’m Only Holding This On the Subway to Seem Smart. Best book to read while checking your phone.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Happy Friday the 13th during the holiday season. Don’t worry; today Jason only murders people wearing ugly Christmas sweaters.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

My favorite homemade Christmas ornament.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

My Shark Tank pitch is a cereal decanter with a slim compartment where you slide in the back panel of the cereal box so your kid can still enjoy breakfast.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

You need to develop atomic habits to be able to read Atomic Habits, and that is just unacceptable to me.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Cocktail party guy: What do you do?
Me: I critique. I’m opinionated.
CPG: You…write op-eds? You’re a critic?
Me: Not exactly. I make snarky comments on viral posts and get thousands of likes.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

@RodLacroix TP Santa

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Oh no! Just when I thought we had equality for all. The women let the power go to their heads. #GetAlRokerATallerChair

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Helping in the kitchen this morning. So far I’ve used 467 paper towels.

[𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆🫧💚 @beyoncegarden]

today is HER day😭