Patrick Knott

Just a chubby weirdo

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Goals are to be as skinny as my dog so I can go through doors that are a jar

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Been spending so much time scrolling through Instagram that I just double tapped a Facebook video to like it.. it ended up being one of them screamer porn voice overs on an innocent video and I then had to explain to my folks that it was just Facebook.. how’s your Tuesday?

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

I wonder if birds are in gangs... but instead of doing drive by’s they just shit on my car and my car alone

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Deadpool 2. Because you never get a third chance to make a second impression. Get your tickets at https://t.co/dO1jDjpFpy

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

For anyone who didn’t get an Easter egg this year I’m sorry... my fat ass ate them all

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

@dmowat8 @becky13cheyne Liked his reply but nae the tweet?

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Does anyone else’s GTA V instincts kick in when you’re driving behind a motorbike?

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

I wish I could take photos of myself and have them come out as beautiful as I think I am

[daisy @daisy2017x]

just found the british equivalent of “stop i could of dropped my croissant”

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

@becky13cheyne Fuck off

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

So annoying when you cook pasta, go to drain it and you pour it all down the sink... felt like I was in beauty and the beast but instead of my pots n pans telling me I’m beautiful they are telling me to lose weight.

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

All my life my folks have said:

“We’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to”

Well Lorna, you forced me to serve time at school for 8 fucking years so that’s a lie...

[martin @martinstevens0n]

El showing me his new party trick

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Ever drank so much on a night out that your pee is more clear than a normal sober day?

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Snap chatting your friends saying “my arse is really tender” before explaining to them that you trained legs is rather alarming!

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

@dmowat8 Oh wait... that’s just fat

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

@dmowat8 I have a power gut doin all of these

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

@RsideHall_ZE Any student discount?

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Mum went on a weekend away and bought me a turquoise Buddha, hope she knows which son I am because I’m the least hipster of the three... older brother lives in Shoreditch, London ffs

[Patrick Knott @KnottKnott7]

Some cultures have beautiful ways of saying goodbye:
Spanish: Adiós
French: Au revoir
Italian: Addio:
My girlfriend: Fuck Off