Kris

life is tough.. so is writing Twitter bios.. Que sera

[Emily Osment @EmilyOsment]

i’ve been remodeling my house for the past two years and the words “hun, is your husband available?” will NEVER not make me want to punch someone. what’s up with that @HomeDepot I JUST WANT MY HARDIEBACK DELIVERED ON TIME

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

Here’s an idea...if your property has been rented, take it off every website so I don’t have to call 6 apartments just to have them tell me there is no availability. K thanks.

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

So these last 4 days off really don’t help the fact that I never want to go back to work ever, and I only want to do theater for the rest of my life...

[Hannah @hanweird]

@KristenCrichlow : that’s what fun about a first date, you can ask like “where did you go to first grade. Can you tell I go on a lot of first dates?” 😂😂😂 I can’t breathe

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

@MaddieJoel @AliciaCantStop @hanweird do you remember when I used to sit and laugh at a single picture for 20 minutes? This is one of those times 😂😂😂

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

I wish I worked someplace where the world wouldn’t absolutely crumble if I called in sick. Cause I feel awful.

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

@AuburnLogan I like that you are “defiantly” not invited... 😂

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

@GilmoreGuysShow I know we said Palladino-ism’s come in threes but.. when Midge started talking as the reporter on the radio in the car with Benjamin, I immediately thought of Lorelai talking over the news in s1e4 of GG.

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

I’m in between, “I should lose 20 lbs” and “My ass has never been this big/ looked this good”. So.....

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

I DON’T UNDERSTAND BOYS.

That’s all. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

New year, same Kristen. @hanweird

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

Reminders for 2019:
-wear sunscreen
-pee after sex
-reverse racism isn’t real
-$17 salads aren’t worth it
-expensive toilet paper IS worth it
-someone else’s success doesn’t take away from your own
-you have a really nice butt

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

I just got my first callback from an audition, since high school. Holy hell I did not miss the nerves.

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

Every time I’m about to fall asleep our neighbors start being loud assholes and I think it’s someone in the apartment. I’m ready to have my bffs home @hanweird #twitterlessxavier

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

Sounds like a keeper to me

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

@CurtisKailee You’re my spirit animal 😂

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

This is the dream.

[Kris @KristenCrichlow]

I’m convinced that when you are drunk, makeup is 90% more difficult to take off you face...