KtHathSpoken

Bernie would have won.

[KtHathSpoken @KtHathSpoken]

I believe two creeds: Bernie would have won. 🗳️ Also, 💯 Andy Kaufman played the long game: staged his death and is actually Donald Trump.

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Donald Trump is the perfect example of what happens when no one in your life has ever told you to shut the fuck up.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Graham Platner’s history of sexual assault proves he does not belong in the US Senate. He belongs on the Supreme Court.

by Susan Collins

[Tim Hannan @TimHannan]

Everything looks communist when you’re a far right fascist.

[KtHathSpoken @KtHathSpoken]

How come we never learned the names of the two pilots rescued in Iran

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Will the owners of a blue planet between Venus and Mars please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

[Spencer Hakimian @SpencerHakimian]

Running out of metaphors

[Rev. Justin Berkobien @JustinBerkobien]

If you owe a woman 5 million dollars for sexual assault you also owe the country your resignation.

[Eric Lécuyer @eric_lecuyer_]

Après deux heures à regarder le lac, j'ai réalisé que c'était la clôture du voisin

[KtHathSpoken @KtHathSpoken]

@JezziiB They always both end up in same pocket

[jezz @JezziiB]

WHO. THOUGHT. WOMEN. WANT. REMOVABLE. PADS. IN. SPORTS. BRAS. 👏👏👏

Must’ve been a dude. Literally no woman wants this.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

One of the weird things about having ageing parents is getting a text that says, “Call me when you get the chance.” It’s a gamble on whether someone died or they can’t figure out the TV.

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Since we’re not doing separation of church and state anymore, when can we expect the churches to start paying income taxes?

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

I think this slogan sounded better in their head.

[KtHathSpoken @KtHathSpoken]

@OrevaZSN SAME

[Democratic Wins Media @DemocraticWins]

BREAKING: Former Republican Senator Jeff Flake just announced he is supporting James Talarico in Texas. This is how you build a winning coalition.

[Vatnik Soup @P_Kallioniemi]

My dog every time I open a bag of chips:

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

It's helpful to have stuff like cybertrucks and meta glasses to make it easier to identify when someone is a huge loser right off the bat.

[KtHathSpoken @KtHathSpoken]

@Katy_Faust 1) Sometimes it’s better to keep your ignorant mouth shut. 2) you’re gross

[KtHathSpoken @KtHathSpoken]

@jmbprime @TheRickWilson I really like that you believe the average voter is going to pay attention to what comes out of any official’s mouth at a press conference. People are sick of propaganda. They need to see results.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

UPS: “Your package is in your city, on a truck driven by Mike. It will arrive on your doorstep at 6:27pm today.”

FedEx: “Your package is coming. You’ll get it when we get there.”

USPS: “What package?”

Amazon: “We are already inside your apartment. Check the bathroom.”

Facebook: “We know you were thinking about getting a toaster yesterday. Here are 20 ads for toaster ovens.”