Kyle Shelton

Comedian, 90s baby, Memphian

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

If your woman doesn't squeeze things when she grocery shops....do better. #squeezethejuice #guyswithtattoos #fundamentals

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Democrats just can't let this one go. But I guess if Republicans can mock a dumb new green deal dems can have this one. #titfortat

[Commercial Appeal @memphisnews]

Rep. Steve Cohen brought a rubber chicken for William Barr's empty seat at House committee hearing https://t.co/BLEG6tUYZZ

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

I'm just going to leave this here for everyone. #flashback

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

@rickygervais Oh no I think there's still some laughter in there somewhere. Gotta work hard to find it. Like the DUP does ignoring things.

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

@newscientist yes but if age is time and time is money then the old is the wealthy and ive totally lost myself....keep your science. https://t.co/pREhyZHjhB

[New Scientist @newscientist]

A cure for ageing is near but you probably can’t afford it https://t.co/eAKP4ncWjx

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

It's crazy when I only have one day off this week and everyone in my house knows that...but doesn't give a shit. #itsabeautifulday

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

North Korea was shooting air to ship missles off the coast. Turns out it was just Kim Jong throwing fire crackers at a row boat. #RealNews

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

I don't remember everything but I do remember street sharks son.

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Who gets a doggie bag for breakfast? You gonna eat that later on this morning?

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

If there's one thing #instagram has taught me it's that nude women love furniture. #bootycushion

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

I am hosting this little party tonight. Come out and see some funny. #comedy

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Deer. Winners of the mannequin challenge since cars were made. #Mannequuinchallenge #headlights

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

At the Mugshots Love and Laughs open mic. Then off to headline at Clicks. Y'all ready for me yet? #comedy #paperflow

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Love your toilet. It's been taking your shit all your life. #priorities #flushingiscaring

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

I can't be the only one who's been in the car with the girlfriend, passed by a field and thought "that'd be a good place to hide the body."

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

I rate restaurants on the structural integrity of their straws. #dontbecheap

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Waking up naked and afraid is never a good sign....I'm never drinking again #pantydropper

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Amazing night at the #40plush show. Mad love from my city. This is why we do it. Come out and see us again Memphis.

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Hearing your mom say "I was gonna mace that bitch" Jesus mom. Grandma just asked for the potatoes. #family

[Kyle Shelton @KyleShelt0n]

Why can't there be places that deliver breakfast? @sonicdrivein @McDonalds you need to get with the program.